Parental Investors Pillows

Baby buying shares

'Whoever said 'The only thing we have to fear is fear itself' never had a room full of angry shareholders.'

'I don't know if money grows on trees, son. I know it doesn't grow in fields.'

'Let's hope the new norm means that less really is more.'

'This graph may need some explaining...'

"I've invested in property..."

"At the end of the day Simon, money talks!"

'Our short-term solution is money. Our long-term solution is more money.'

'We're quite confident this lull won't last long.'

'Of course, in the long term we're all extinct.'

'Gee! You must have lost some on this property!'

Businessman with two boxes: 'Nothing Ventured' and 'Nothing Gained'.

'I guess you could say we're a 'faith-based' company. Everyone worships the dollar around here.'

And so Bob's folks sent him off into the world. But not before running a few last tests, just to be sure he could handle it.

'They've dealyed our IPO so long that we've gone from intending to open a chain of pre-schools to opening a chain of nursing homes.'

The End of the Property Boom is Nigh.

'But he doesn't want to chase sticks - He likes to follow the stock market!'

Graduating students asking for cash donations.

"It's one of the positive side effects of the new weight-loss drugs."

"The roof is old and leaks. The good news is when it rains you'll get an additional 3 showers."

"Sorry guys, but your 'magic mind-reader' doesn't seem to be working."

'The plan was idiot-proof. Unfortunately, someone came up with a superior idiot.'

Business plan.

Shareholder's Meetings

"This is what we recommend for motion sickness, due to the stockmarket's rollercoaster ride."

"What they lose on the swings we gain on the roundabouts."

'He runs a very successful hedge fund.'

"We invested everything we had in our marriage."

"I was going to transmute it into gold, and then I read that the base metal market has made a remarkable recovery!"

'Here's the 2 acres of beachfront property you bought - too bad it's only six inches wide.'

'If you promise to never try to openthe locked attic door, the owner will take $20,000 off!'

'Sell during a boom; buy during a bust - that sounds more like Warren Buffett instead of Buddha.'

'I dabble in stocks all the time. Beef, chicken, and vegetable.'

'Today stocks acting 'funny peculiar' outnumbered 'funny ha-ha' stocks by a 2-1 margin.'

'I wish I'd listened to Sarah Beeny now.'