Parental Forgery Pro Pillows

'Mom says she's too busy to read anything right now so I'll just sign her name to my report card.'

City Zoo: Day Care

"I spilled a red dot of paint, so I painted the whole room so you wouldn't notice it."

"Someone once told me that kids grow up so quickly. I hope there's some truth to that."

"They grow up so fast."

The Baby Walker

A baby duck in a tiny car seat on the mother duck's back.

'You call it a bra. I call it excess packaging.'

Sounds that various toys make when they are vacuumed up.

'‘Because I said so' or ‘Just wait until you have kids of your own' section?'

Gifts for a cloned baby!

"Guys, can you use your Mommy-doesn't-want-to-know-I-exist voices?"

'Still having a hard time finding day care?'

A mother and baby elephant

'That reminds me, the seat broke on mine. I must make time to get it repaired.'

"It's a new work-out video. It shows a mother chasing after three little children all day."

"One of the advantages of working from home is the free tech support."

'As you can see, it's too late for a termination...Baby is capable of surviving outside the womb...'

'Well, he's definitely got your nose...'

"They followed me home from school - can I keep 'em?"

Now Simon would have nightmares about his mother's failing eyesight.

'Everything I say to you goes in one ear and out the other.'

Something tells me it's not going to be a good school report!

My 5-year-old nephew cut his hair! His mom was so upset until she thought: 'Wait a minute! I just saved 12 bucks!'

Believe it or not: Once upon a time Dads couldn't even boil water.

"Oh, Frank, look! He's sending his first tweet!"

"No more diapers. Simply lift the lid and go here."

A Tit for Tat.

Changing the baby.

'Motherhood is great, but I get a really sore back...'

"Maybe the unseen hand of the market will change the diaper."

'Mom and dad...if someone threw a rock at me, it would really be like killing two birds with one stone.' 'I told you if we had a child, he'd be a wise-quacker.'

Mother pours bubble bath into child's plastic pool

"Helmet, check. Harness, check. Knee and elbow pads, check. You may now push the swing."

"Never mind Benjamin – he just lawyers-up to get attention."