Parental Economist Pillows

'It doesn't matter if it's a boy or a girl as long as it'll make enough money for a good retirement home for us!'

We're looking for someone who knows how to adapt, not adopt.

"Don't listen to her! She's a cuckoo: what would she know about parenting?!"

'Believe me dad. I'm on the school math team. If your investments declined 50 then increased 50 you did not break even.'

'I told my wife to run the house like a business. So she sold it to an American corporation.'

"Just think how much we could save if we switched the heating off altogether."

'With the economy the way it is, I'm going to have to let one of you go.'

"I think it's time we cashed in our spare change. We could probably pay off our house."

The Heating Oil Problem.

"Good news. Your child buys into the change paradigm of growing up."

How to save on your heating bill...

"What is the battle cry for homeschoolers?" Kids: "Go Home!"

"My Marcia has always been so talented in so many areas. I only hope she finds a direction for herself and gets married."

'You told me I should run the house like a business, so what am I bid for dinner?'

"My client, whom I shall refer to as your son, has retained me to represent him in these negotiations regarding an increase in his allowance!"

'Where did we go wrong?'

"We put you through day-care. You're on your own now."

'Been toying with commodities again, have we?'

'How am I supposed to do my part in stimulating the economy if you won't raise my allowance?'

'I feel like doing a little writing tonight. Where's the checkbook?'

"What a coincidence. My mum is going to be a single mum and I'm going to be a single baby!"

The various stages of pandemic paper towel usage.

'We've had our new simplified gas bill!'

"When my parent were kids, they made up alibis. I just carry disclaimers."

If the Fed can loosen it's money supply, why can't you?

'We don't need our own stand. Just have your mom buy all the lemons at the store so we've cornered the market and can name our price!'

"My school day was mixed. Big gains in history class, English was flat, math declined by a quarter-grade, and I took a pounding at recess."

'...Now just key in your safety pin number...'

Baby buying shares

"Oh for goodness' sake, Brian. As if our gas bill wasn't high enough already!"

"I'm a surrogate birth mother for hire. How do I claim my income?"

"It isn't a romantic candle-lit dinner when you've had the electricity cut off."

"Is it 'To whom should I yell at for touching the #!@*! thermostat' or 'To who should I yell at'?..."

"I see your problem, honey. You're doing everything 'waterfall'. You should switch to 'agile'."