Paper Critique Connoisseur T-Shirts

'It started with a simple case of peer review.'

Reading my Critics

"Your usually vicious sarcasm is weak. Go pump some irony."

At This Restaurant, There Are Only Two Dishes on the Menu and They Both Suck

"It started with a simple case of peer-review."

The writers group met every Tuesday for support and fellowship.

"Hmmm ... perhaps a pinot noir less spilly?"

Filling the Missile Gap

I'm getting an ample full taste... I'm getting whimsical... I'm getting 'red'

An acceptable level of TV violence.

'Let me at it! Let me see!!'

"My kid could do that."

The Real Russian history

Sculptor's chippings

"Well...I notice a little criticism on my leadership style..."

"They're going to print a retraction - your desserts are not inconsistent."

"The show's a big hit, but a little too risque. It's not worth the aggravation we're getting from the watchdog groups."

"The first three chapters read like they were written by some guy on a couch."

'I didn't choose art. Art chose me!'

'Let me guess: you and everyone else?'

Cartoon Editor: No, No, No, No, No, No, Maybe.

Barbed Pen

'Look on it as... constructive criticism.'

'This advertising campagn is stupid and disgusting and it appeals to peoples' most primitive instincts. I love it.'

"Poor bastard. The New York 'Times' just panned his zinfandel."

Rubbish, Poppycock, Balderdash

'Too many cliches? Now hold your horses!'

"He's a mental-health critic."

At Mary Higgins Clark's book club.

A man is looking at a sign saying Exhibition of art exhibition jargon.

Film Critic

"It's too academic."

How to write

'... And that's all from this bulletin. But I'll be back with more bad news at six.'

Big deal! If you were smart, you'd have waited for the price of gold to go up. Everyone's a critic.