Pandemic Roomie Pillows

Frog and Toad are a little bit sick of each other.

Domestic Superheroes!!

Dear, could you please pick up some batteries? The ones in the remote are dead and I feel like I'm Amish.

DO Not Disturb (Except For Meals)

"In my house, 'dirty dancing' means it's time to mop the floor."

"Yo, Eunice – don’t leave me hangin’."

"I finally found a use for that old home repair book..."

"The following programme contains scenes of a very noisy vacuum cleaner."

Biofelineism

"Who's taking my order—the committee of the whole, or is there a liaison for decaf?"

A man sees a leak in his ceiling and drills a hole in the floor under leak to by pass his apartment.

"It's the sequel to 'Cooking for One'."

"Someone’s in the kitchen. Did you lock up my kibble?"

"Honey, I don't want to hide anything from you. I collect pictures of cats in my spare time."

"Lazy? I've been social-networking my ass off."

"Again, are you sure I didn't mention about bringing your own 3-D glasses?"

"Has the Wi-Fi seemed slow to you lately?"

Things my vacuum likes to suck up

'Who gets the decaf?'

'Are we broke yet?'

"It's not the paranormal activity that bothers me so much as the passive aggression."

'I installed all the floor tiles by myself. I did it all by tile and error.'

It's Your Turn to Do the Dishes Tonight!

"Dammit Harold, you know I hate that mask!"

'I can't move in, Ted - your lifestyle is too modern. And your furniture is way too modern.'

"Much ado list"

It's not considered drinking alone if the cat is at home.

"Who ordered a pizza?"

"Next time don't use a herbed vinegar."

'Sorry I'm late getting home from work, I overslept.'

I hate monday mornings.

"Oh, no - not another farmer's market!"