Pandemic Etiquette Pillows

"Looks like there's agreement on the mask, but the handshake. . . in or out?"

Elbow bump

Elbow bump

“Someone is not muted. I'm still hearing ambient noise. Please mute your device.”

'Your proposal is written with clarity and conviction. Send it up to legal for obfuscation.'

The awkwardness of one's first officeplace fist-bump.

Greeting card section: 'thank you' and 'you're welcome'.

'High five Sir? We usually seal the deal with a handshake.'

"I can check again, but Mr. Saunders usually insists on the full wait."

"Hey, it's me. I just sent you a text message responding to your e-mail saying that I should IM you."

'Apart from the pain I can't get my hat off.'

"I need you to look at the big picture, Boswell. Not the little one of my trophy wife."

"Tell him I can still hear him chewing."

Conference Rooms - Cell phones being handed in.

"How about fashionably never?"

"Sorry to interrupt, I just wanted to say how much I hate your dress."

"... And how are you enjoying the cheapest bottle of wine on the menu?"

"Generally, when we go around the table sharing what we're grateful for, we just *say* it, Jerry."

"I'm not repeating the specials again until everyone puts down their phones."

"Would it decrease my chances of getting a five star rating if I were to ask you about your political views."

"Don't stare at his massive claw... Don't stare at his massive claw...

Unbroken Eye Contact: The Musical

"Latte for a guy you're sure ordered after you."

'Sorry! I thought nobody would notice.'

Beer Burgers Pizza. Field Level Seats. The stadium is limited to twenty percent of capacity. But somehow there's still a long line here.

"Having received your offer of friendship, and after due consideration and given the fact that I don't know you from a bar of soap, I must inform you that I will be declining your request."

"Can I help you?"

"I'm like Santa, but for 'Season's Greetings.' Here, have a box of cotton swabs."

"Yes, we eliminated the dress code, but I see you didn't fully understand."

How Dogs Identify Themselves in Upscale Neighborhoods.

'I told you never to Facebook, Bebo, Hotmail, Yahoo, MSN or phone me at work...'

'I'm afraid Mr. Tibbles can't be disturbed right now.'

"It's apple-scented Purell."

'It's rude to talk to someone with your sunglasses on - they can't see your . . er . . limpid pools of loveliness.'

"Goodbye and have a wonderful day!" "Ugh! Don’t tell me what to do, okay!?!"