Panda Lovers Pillows

"One more crack like that and you'll end up with a white eye."

'It's true, you're a big star: The Zoo has posted photos of you all over town...'

The Birth of Chinese Football

"Let's face it Mum, the main reason we're an endangered species is that we're fussy eaters..."

Polly txt speak

"I groom all day and still look like a baboon."

"Maybe the next one will be a singles cruise."

Life is for the birds.

'I don't like heights...maybe that's why I've had so many low points in my life.'

Horror movies

"Man's best friends."

'It's called 'cause and effect.' I pound this log and Tarzan goes bananas.'

'Bloody favouritism I call it.'

Unemotional Support Animal

"Cat World Domination Day June 24th"

'HA Ha! One good idea doesn't make a genius!'

'okay...where did you hide it?'

Blind man walking a tortoise.

"This is Blackjack, come in Yahtzee."

'Do you have any specific regulations concerning travelling with pets?'

Dolphin friendly tuna

Giant pandas doing surveillance in a zoo.

Hitch-hiking Penguin.

"Bill did the voice-over for this commercial."

"It's called, 'Goth'."

Noah's life jacket demonstration

'I'm knitting a scarf for my son.'

'I was told you two have a love-hate relationship. Care to elaborate on that?'

"That product you are using is fantastic. Your eye bags are gone."

'If you really loved me you would have bought me flowers.'

Browned off cows. They can't pull a cracker.

"Wow! So you think my chronic self-hatred may just be an undiagnosed case of lactose intolerance?"

Shaggy dog/Shaggy Owner.

"Nice family you’ve got there. Too bad if anything were to happen to them."