Palace Pretender T-Shirts

"It all started when I didn't grow up in a palatial estate."

'You wouldn't happen to be sitting on my entry to the straightest runner bean competition?'

"Oh, this old thing?"

"As you can see from the books behind me, I pretend to read a lot of books."

"I'll bet a lot of people wish they had a royal palace to return to."

"But honey, I've spent my last 30 years pretending to look busy. I can't quit overnight."

"You need more info? Listen, son, our ancestors faked it, I fake it, and by gawd, it's time you learned to fake it."

Dolphin wins the swimming competition.

Grocer with pretensions of being a soldier

Parisian Misguided Tours.

Plagiarism

Kid sweeps dirt under his junk on the floor.

Pretentious man reads Culture supplement, saying: 'I don't know much about art but I know what to pretend to like.'

"Because we're jerks."

'They're praying the school doesn't find out that they've been pretending to be religious.'

'I can't come to work today. I'm in bed with a nasty, little bug.'

On 'Friends Reunited' everyone can claim to be a front page maodel for GQ Magazine.

"Whoever he is, he has season tickets."

"I can't go to school today, Mom . . . I'm running a low-grade spring fever."

"I always drink from a travel mug. It makes me feel like I'm out of the house."

'The games console has saved us a fortune in holidays. We told him we were seeing the pyramids but we were actually in Skegness. He didn't notice.'

"Your training begins just as it did with the masters of old... with positive affirmations and five minutes of low-impact cardio."

Walk right in. Sit right down.

"Well, no, but I always rooted for them."

'He's going to walk the plank. The least we can do is let him stretch his quads first.'

A Foot Guard being teased by children.

"On your CV it says you get the Nobel Prize for 'being spectacular', I didn't know there was one for that!"

Equality Championships