Pajama Punster Pillows

"It was so cold last night, I fell out of bed and cracked my pyjamas."

'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

"Whenever he shows up everything turns to crap!"

Intelligent people laugh too!

I'm allergic to parrots, so I got an aaaarrrrdvark.

"Bad dog! I've told you to always proofread."

"Hey, pal, let's hear 'Doggie in the Window' again, and this time play it like you mean it!"

"Are your eel rolls electric?"

Assault 'n' Vinegar

'Poor Kleinzweck -- his working hypothesis got laid off.'

I think you're ace

'It's the report from the consultant. He says we should turn over the turnovers to improve turnover.'

'Did you watch the horror movie?'

Tree house.

"I'm new here. How much do we leave for a tip?"

Look! Up in the sky! It's absurd! It's inane! It's Malaprop Man! Malaprop Man, I hear you're fighting climate change now. Yes starting with solo panels, I'm reducing greenhouse guesses! I'm investing in buttery technology. I'm going to have windmeals. And of course, I've stopped drinking cola. Why is that? I'll have a smaller carbonated footprint!

"Not to brag or anything, but I'm the elephant in the room at my company."

'I've been a nervous rex all day.'

Sweep the board.

Adam names the animals (He puts sticky notes on them saying Shaz, Dave, Trish etc).

"Where were you between 4 and 6?"

'What did I tell you? There's always a catch to those bargain internet travel fares...'

Another Turning Point in History. Oh, the heck with it -- I'll never get these antlers right. Mickey Moose.

"No chips, but I did snag the new Hiaasen."

'It's worse than we thought: You've got termites.'

Kick Me! (sign on an anthropomorphized soccer ball)

Reptile Class: 'My homework ate my dog.'

"Moby Richard by Herman Melville" "Wonderful! Not sure about the title—let's discuss editor."

"So is this war movie rated R, rated PG, or rated RPG?"

"You wanted the magic back in our relationship..."

'He bought a donkey because he thought he might get a kick out of it.'

'Hi, this is Batman. You've reached the Batcave. I'm not in right now but as soon as I return I'll call you bat.'

'When I said address the ball I didn't mean like that!'

Kamikaze Colour

'When she walks in she lights up the room...' 'It's living next to the nuclear plant.'