Pairing Perfectionist T-Shirts

'Which wine should I serve with tofu meat loaf and seaweed salad?'

Recreational and Medicinal Wines

"Why can't the rest of you be more like Rollins, here? He does his homework!"

'And just what makes you think I don't know what I'm doing?!!'

'You're not confident at the water hole are you?'

Golfer to other: 'I've never seen anyone slice a putt before.'

'There! See that? Brad just happens to morph into some kind of hideous amphibian just as he's about to putt? Now tell me she's not cheating!'

'Aren't you glad we brought our putters, too?'

"Hmmm, this might just be not funny enough for The New Yorker."

Golf lessons

'Not that slowly back...'

'I'm finding the greens a bit slow.'

"According to my calculations...school starts in exactly 20 days!"

"I've heard of being organized, but isn't this a little obsessive compulsive?"

'No,silly-I asked for a sand WEDGE!'

For sale - Used only Once.

'Yes, Mr. Osborne, this is an intervention. Your family had no other choice. Golf is an illness...'

Is it a book? A film? A TV show? How do you mime a podcast?

Perfection

"I've joined a wine-lovers club. . . so far there are only three members."

'Don't ask me, I've never got one in a hole either.'

'Your direction is good! Now try for distance.'

'Excellent. But try it again and this time start your sway at the beginning of the fourth bar, O.K.?'

'I don't want to be a shepherd. I want to be the policeman who interrupts the play to tell all the mummys and daddys who have parked irresponsibly and dangerously outside to move their cars...'

"You're welcome."

'I'm a narcissist? - Are you saying I'm not perfect?'

"Being happy with one's work is the kiss of death."

Christmas Present Wrapping Service.

'Do I take it that you will not be requiring my services on the back nine?'

'On to the office again?' - 'No, my pro.'

"Larry made that chair from a pile of sticks."

"Right here is where you lost the narrative flow."

There are more things to life than golf--but I ignore them.

'You had a 9 on one, a 7 on two, a 10 on three, a 23 on four...that hurt...'