Painter's Pride Collector Gifts

'My NEA grant is bigger than your NEA grant!'

Great Chinese Dynasties

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

'It's called 'Oh Bugger It!' if you must know!'

Cariactures

"It's a postmodern mosaic, almost lyrical in its undercurrent." "My five-year-old will be happy to hear that."

Use your imagination.

"What the %@!!* is that?!" "Is that a leg? Wait—no, it's an arm. Wait—what?" "The frame is nice." "Whatever it is, it makes me miss Bob Ross." "Gasp!" "The intentionally lost Caravaggio"

Children's artwork exhibition.

Turd - 'It's one of a kind.'

Grim Reaper rowing a boat full of dead souls to the afterlife; a tip jar sits on the side of the boat.

'Oh don't listen to him! Norman wasn't a motivational guru... he was just that cat in those silly 'hang in there' posters.'

"The Leonardos, the Raphaels, Titians, Veroneses, Giottos... Italy wants them back, all 427 of them."

Dynasties - Ping, Ching, Ming.

'It's not easy painting hummingbirds.'

"He's an abstract artist."

"My wife commissioned a portrait of me."

Museum. Hours. You're donating your collection of pre-Columbian art? Yes! What's Mayan is yours!

Art Gallery.

"Stop complaining and smile! It's a job, isn't it? NO wonder they call you Mona!"

"Which way to the Mona Lisa? We're double-parked."

'It's a giant inkblot on loan from the psychiatrist who owns the unit next door.'

'He knows everything about art. But he doesn't know what he likes.'

"Thrilling news, sweetie! The National Gallery's entire collection of Velázquez is now attributed to you."

'I agree, this artist will go far and he should start right now!'

"I don't know what happened, your holiness! I painted the ENTIRE CEILING!"

"I read 'Art News.'"

"What's most exciting about NFTs is the opportunity for dynamic new content."

Tommy, Math quiz. It's one of his earliest pieces.

"Definitive." "Compelling." "Persuasive." "Upside down."

"He begged his wife and kids to join him in Tahiti, but he didn't mean a word of it, the bastard."

"Good, clean art from the Molly Murphy Collection"

'...The good news is the Guggenheim has offered $2,500,000 for our chart.'

'It's like a piece of music, like Mozart or Beethoven.'

'I'm very proud of my El Gecko.'