Paint Expert Pillows

"Everything you say (or don't say) matters. Choose your words and intentions carefully."

'Frankly, I think watching paint dry has been given a bad press.'

Yoga Xmas Decorations

'It's not easy painting hummingbirds.'

"Stop complaining and smile! It's a job, isn't it? NO wonder they call you Mona!"

'He knows everything about art. But he doesn't know what he likes.'

"Which way to the Mona Lisa? We're double-parked."

"It took a lot of work to build this car..."

'Quick, press control Z!'

'I agree, this artist will go far and he should start right now!'

"I don't know what happened, your holiness! I painted the ENTIRE CEILING!"

Painter removes 'wet paint' sign from park bench and replaces it with a 'dry paint' sign.

"My method of painting is pointillism."

"There are those who say I'm a throwback to Monet."

Hazards of mouse painting

'When does the improvement phase of this home improvement project begin?'

Waiting to do the second coat was the worst part. It was like watching paint dry.

Artist Retrospective.

'So, Vincent, who is your target market?'

"It was you, Jason. Dr. Karnes had it authenticated."

Sleeping on the Job

Alberto Giacometti.

I'm color blind, please help.

'What are they worth? Well, it's difficult to put a price on such extraordinary works of art. How much you got?'

'...and you can wash that pea-green crap off - I want Magnolia.'

Jackson Pollock's early paint-by-numbers period.

Queuing for a Turner, Whistle, Monet exhibition in the rain - 'Atmospheric, isn't it?'

'You never smile at me like that!'

The Worst Date Ever

Artist paints an artist.

"Harold finds painting very therapeutic."

Woman shops while man sets up noose. "Do I go with bright white, deep white...."

D.I.Y ladder

'I don't see how this roller thing helps. . .'

Gallery Guide