Page-turner Philosopher Pillows

Salon of Apartment 4-N

If you bathe a skunk in tomato juice, it will smell like a dog. A bird in the hand is better than two in your shorts. Never wear aqua after Thanksgiving. Unconventional wisdom.

Pigeon Little

'If, as you say, they're so evolved, why do they need to wear clothes to survive?'

You've read the book's dust jacket. Now, play the video game!

'Dial 1-900-Fortune.'

Reverse psychology

"Still suffering from writer's block?"

"I'm sorry, but you didn't recognize me as the Messiah when I had braces and glasses."

"There are no such things as problems, only opportunities."

Hamlet in the craft shop.

"Let's see now: All dogs have four legs. I have four legs. Therefore, I am a dog."

"I've outlived my conventional and alternative doctors."

"I won't have anything to worry about when I grow up."

Yeah, well, I only failed my logic exam because I'm a Pisces and my professor's a Leo.

Jeffrey's Time Machine: '...I want to go back and see what the world was like when people weren't so stupid and annoying!'

Today's alpha-lesson is "Keep a journal." The average person lets life pass them by. The events of their lives fade into nothingness. An alpha knows that long after they're gone, their thoughts and experiences will be of great interest to historians. That's not an original thought. I read it in the papyrus Randus Maximus XIV left in a safe deposit box after he helped conquer Judea.

The Last Non E-Book In The World.

"Remember that ultimately we must answer to Chairs."

"This birthday qualified him to be tapped as a fossil fuel reserve."

Religion & Economics.

KNITEO ERGO SUM!

'Don't Move!' - 'Why would I want to move? Lived here for 51 years, know all the neighbours, shops nearby, post office is closed but...'

"So anyway, I found a worm on the path the other day and carried it to safety. Then I hear: 'Hey! I was heading the other way!"

"Now they're saying 80 is the new 70. So, when's the new dead?"

'What do you mean, you're having second thoughts...?'

"It Works For Us."

'Like to read, huh? Me, too. I'm a big reader. I just finished a book by Brown. You know Dan Brown? Great writer...'

"I got the grant! I'm researching whether money can buy happiness."

'Did you ever wonder why iced coffee is goof but cold coffee isn't? . . . You're not curious like I am.'

"It's chic to be vulnerable."

School of hard knocks: Mail box 'Knock-knock jokes'

"Is it always so cloudy?"

"The gods aren't angry, Tara. They're just hurt and disappointed."

The existentialist manifesto according to Jean-Paul Sinatra-'oooby Dooby Doo!'