Ownership Pillows

'Someday, son, 50 of this will belong to your ex-wife,'

Man to realtor: 'How much for a starter cubicle?'

"Our light bill is astronomical living next to a black hole."

'The good news is I had a very good year.'

"I'd better enjoy this while I can. It's the only home I'll own without a mortgage!"

"I see you've security marked your property."

'When he comes through that door, let's all jump up and give him a big kiss!'

"But there's no way in hell I could afford Jupiter today."

'You shouldn't have taken that personal pension.' 'You shouldn't have taken that endowment mortgage.' 'When do you get your free tv license?' Job's comforters, today.

The Big Book of Suspicious Crawl Spaces

"You've got termites. The good news is I gave them all little phones to keep their minds off doing any damage."

'Gerald, it's so nice to see you finally getting closer to your employees.'

"I'm bored - let's buy a house in the country that has lots of problems."

'I thought I would rent it out for the extra dough.'

'Son, someday this will all be yours. Or Wal-Mart's. Whoever pays Daddy the most.'

The Cat's Alarm Clock

'Behind every great business deal is a company lawyer advising against it.'

'For Sale by Neighbor'

Green Energy used to power polluting industries

"I'm looking forward to the next thirty five years of her living with us."

"The pH level seems a little off."

Gypsy curses didn't seem so threatening after the Mummy went into the peg business.

"DID YOU SEND THIS?"

"I'm afraid you neglected to submit the proper development permit application."

'Someday son, all this will be yours to argue with the Environmental Protection Agency over.'

'The bad news is the Big Bad Wolf is coming. The good news is I've got some great rates on Homeowner's Insurance!'

'The Hunt family have solved the problem of the fire ants.'

'It says, please disregard this reminder if your payment has already been sent.'

'Hey! By appointment only!!'

"This place has a water view if you're looking at the mortgage."

Stan believes in calling a spade a spade.

"Good morning - I'm from your bank. We'd like our house back please!"

"Someday, son, all this will be yours..."