Overreaction Analyst Prints

"Today our panel will be discussing the distinguishing characteristics between the UPS and FedEx truck, and the appropriate corresponding overreaction."

"I'd like to be a shake-it-off kind of person, but I'm more of a cling-to-it-and-focus-on-it-until-it's-irrevocably-weaved-into-my-psyche sort of gal."

"Here's your hourly job performance review."

Department of Who's Your Daddy?

How to Do Small Talk??!!

'Which end's the shallow end?'

"Duh!"

"Look! A brave man using the medium of dance to protest against the fascist coronavirus measures of the government!"

"Mom, all I did was fall off my bike and skin my knee."

"He wasn't specific. His last message just said, play it safe - whatever that means."

'I was not prepared for this!'

Took a tiny nothing molehill and created this huge, amazing mountain

"I've never seen anyone actually implode before."

"Hard work, determination, success!"

"C'mon. She's clearly just a rebound girl."

"I think I've got analysis paralysis."

"I've had sex with Donald Trump."

"You could add 'Men who say "Ciao!" who are not even Italian or of Italian descent' to that list."

Turn off the tv! Blasphemy. I have Extreme Partisanship Syndrome. I can't hear about politics. I get too riled up. It could kill me. No more Fox, or MSNBC, or even the networks. Fine, but there are other options. Can't this kill me too? Just the mind. Tonight on Biggest Loser: Jog eating.

"Are there any careers where I won't get replaced by an app?"

"They discovered I liked a JK Rowling tweet when I was fifteen, you?"

'The 10 Habits of Highly Annoying People'

Institute for Advanced Hindsight - Research into what should have been.

"I told you so."

"It's fine if you don't want to talk about the elephant in the room, but could we at least turn down the constant cool jazz."

"What goes around comes around more annoying."

"Now, of course, I have to question the validity of that particular decision."

'I don't want to be a doctor! I'm liable to be sued for malpractice!'

Based On A True Story

Ask Sadie. Sadie, when are you going to stop fighting it and admit your passionate love for Rudy? Signed, Conrad. *Actual reader letter. Who let this question in? I want my producers fired, then fileted, then fired again, and then run down by a car filled with clowns. Seems a little defensive there, Snookums. Clown car!

"There, did you see? She did it again!"

Departments of hand-wringing, pearl- clutching, forehead-slapping, eyeball-rolling, head-scratching, hair-splitting.

Some People Have Experienced Career-Related Suicidal Thoughts

'Someone has made a mountain out of our molehill.'

"But I don't know any Nickys! And I don't open the door for strangers."