Overachieving Infant Pillows

"This is your portfolio. Fill it."

Overjumpers

"Doing your homework may lead to a job that has homework."

"I figured out how to raise my grades."

Genius Envy

'I told you hard work would pay off in the third grade, Cate...You've had three job offers.'

"Could you please downgrade this to a C? High expectations bring out the worst in my parents."

'The bad news is you failed all your courses. The good news is you passed the urine test.'

"Rosalie—your poor performance this year has reduced your parents' investment in you by almost seventy per cent."

Too big to fail

'They're a very successful family.'

"You'll never make it as a doctor with handwriting like this. I understood every word."

Workaholics Anonymous meeting: 'No one showed up. Everyone is working.'

"Congratulations Professor, the committee 'okayed' your grant request."

"Stop applying! You've been accepted to three universities!"

"You're late, Myers!"

'No ulcers shows me you haven't reached your full potential.'

'That's your report card and might I add you need to try a little harder.'

'I have her registered in a pre-med nursery program.'

"Looks like a storm ahead, Captain." "I think you're being over dramatic."

Ladder of success"...Perhaps, you'd like our economy model."

Still a Disappointment to his Mother

"You promised to stop bringing your work home."

"This has been a productive homework session!"

'...then I got my masters in psychology, and a year later I earned my Ph.D. in sociology. By the time I get my master in math and my doctorate in history, I'll be ready to retire.'

'As much time and effort as he puts into this job, you'd think there was some money in it.'

Office Task Map

"I don't want your teacher to think a kid with grades this bad....could possibly have a father who could read or write."

"He's two onths old and already drooling at a four-month-old level."

A woodpecker fashions a statue of a woodpecker.

"I can't believe it...a 'B' average on my report card? I'm not that smart! The theories of probability predict it's likely that the school's data system somehow encountered a catastrophic breakdown."

'Ten 'A's? Frankly son, I'm disappointed that you're not more of a disappointment to me.'

"Lord, who or what is strewing my path to success with obstacles!"