Overachieving Infant Pillows

"This is your portfolio. Fill it."

Overjumpers

"Doing your homework may lead to a job that has homework."

'Wow! I never thought it would actually WORK!'

"I figured out how to raise my grades."

Genius Envy

'I told you hard work would pay off in the third grade, Cate...You've had three job offers.'

"Could you please downgrade this to a C? High expectations bring out the worst in my parents."

Overloaded with extracurricular activities, Griffin's body began to grow an extra brain to cope with it all.

'The bad news is you failed all your courses. The good news is you passed the urine test.'

"Rosalie—your poor performance this year has reduced your parents' investment in you by almost seventy per cent."

'They're a very successful family.'

"You'll never make it as a doctor with handwriting like this. I understood every word."

Too big to fail

Workaholics Anonymous meeting: 'No one showed up. Everyone is working.'

"Stop applying! You've been accepted to three universities!"

'No ulcers shows me you haven't reached your full potential.'

"You're late, Myers!"

"Congratulations Professor, the committee 'okayed' your grant request."

'That's your report card and might I add you need to try a little harder.'

'I have her registered in a pre-med nursery program.'

"Looks like a storm ahead, Captain." "I think you're being over dramatic."

Ladder of success"...Perhaps, you'd like our economy model."

'As much time and effort as he puts into this job, you'd think there was some money in it.'

Still a Disappointment to his Mother

"You promised to stop bringing your work home."

"This has been a productive homework session!"

'...then I got my masters in psychology, and a year later I earned my Ph.D. in sociology. By the time I get my master in math and my doctorate in history, I'll be ready to retire.'

Office Task Map

"Lord, who or what is strewing my path to success with obstacles!"

"Your internship is finally over. You're now required to work longer hours with no extra pay."

"He's two onths old and already drooling at a four-month-old level."

A woodpecker fashions a statue of a woodpecker.

"I don't want your teacher to think a kid with grades this bad....could possibly have a father who could read or write."

'Ten 'A's? Frankly son, I'm disappointed that you're not more of a disappointment to me.'