Over-the-top Analyzer Pillows

"Ralph's over-interpreting the data again."

"Still, he might be remembered as the 'no cloning' President."

"I thought they introduced the witch a little late."

"We've stared at the election map for so long it's become a Magic Eye poster."

'That's part of the reason for our problem. We lost the key to the door.'

'Who stuck corks on all the cursors?'

You heard earth's just entered its sixth great extinction event? Really? Vertebrate species are dying at a rate not seen since the dinosaurs died off. This time It's thanks to us. But the good thing is, scientists think humans will die off pretty early in this mass extinction. How's that a good thing? We won't be around to hear the other animals say "I told you so."

Interpreter for the hard-to-believe-what-they're-hearing.

'I just have time to make some toast, analyze its particle sizes, its density, its chemisorption...'

"That's it?! Boy exploits tree, tree suffers? Shel Silverstein was nuts!"

"I love my unreliable narrator. You?"

Hypnotist - "You are going into a deeeep sleeep"

Mystery Writer's Book Signing...Tell the Author How You Could Have COme Up With A Better Ending, 4-6pm.

"I have headaches, stomach, pains, aching muscles, back pains, creaking joints, nausea and dry eyes."

Radiologists in therapy.

"I'm hitting a wall."

"That's it! I'm giving up TV! Every single show is awesome! So now nothing is worth watching."

"It was messed up. Everybody was wearing masks", "Hmmm." / "It was messed up. Nobody was wearing masks.", "Hmmm."

Nancy Ruth is speaking today....

"I think I've got analysis paralysis."

"I've concluded a meta analysis of the myriad of tests we've run and I think I can say with a certain level of certainty that you are probably screwed...."

"I'm glad you took the trouble to diagnose your own symptoms using the internet...and you'd be 100% accurate...IF you were a GOAT."

Rejected resumes.

"I'm pretty sure I'm a hypochondriac sucking up scarce resources with my imaginary ailments....but I thought I'd come in and get a second opinion."

"Is there a doctor in the house...preferably in-network?"

"Great 'Ah Ha' moments in History

"You've come a long way, baby."

Vote. It's his signature speech, but it always sound like a forgery!

"Scratch an angry person, Mel, and underneath, you're likely to find a person who doesn't like being scratched very much!"

"Nobody can stop us!"