Out-of-office Aficionado Pillows

"Before you leave for your vacation, re-record your extended leave message. The one you just made is too giddy."

"You've got your corner office, so what more do you want?"

"Another week another dollar, Jenkins"

"How's everybody doing? I'm not boring you, am I?"

"If we can just get beyond this 'I'm the boss' mentality and concentrate on a simple 'What I say goes' outlook, I think this will all work out."

"And where have you previously moused?"

"The article you sent me on how technology causes stress crashed my computer."

"Of course you can resign Ferguson. How would you like to buy back your freedom? Cash, credit card or easy payments?"

'Recent studies in primate colonies suggest that organizational performance can be improved by replacing complicated financial incentives with bananas.'

'We're holding our own, but I'd really like to see some growth.'

"...But of course we'll still be friends on Facebook!"

"Here's some of my work for you to do. It should be a refreshing change...for me."

"You're hired. Now, I'll show you your desk, the break room, and the dented wall you're allowed to beat your head against."

"I can't decide who gets the promotion, so we'll settle it with a rope toy Tug O' War."

"On a positive note, he's not our boss. He's the guy who stole our boss's identity."

"Here's to non-electric sharpeners."

'Face it, we're never going to reach a consensus.'

Should not have put that suggestion in the suggestion box.'

'In the computer simulation he said he admired my candor and gave me a raise.'

"I was going to tell you it's a jungle out there, but I realize that's probably old news to you."

...The computer says you can handle 20 more work

Mr Yomp quickly got the hang of his new laptop.

Considering she started here as an office temp she's done quite well.

"It's a shame, excellent recommendations and a superb skill set but lacks the boiling hot all consuming ambition and ruthless desire for self promotion required as head of stationary procurement."

"Maybe our beloved founder is trying to tell us something."

'It's not fair. Women doing the same job I'm doing in this office are being paid more than I am!'

"Why, if it isn't Henshaw caught in the Overtime Warp again."

"I haven't the slightest idea who he is. He came bundled with the software."

"Confounded spell checker... never catches anything."

'I've collected my memos into one reasonably priced gift book.'

'Remember, my door is always open Higgins, just be careful of the trap door.'

Batsford doesn't suffer fools gladly.

'She finally made employee of the month but she paid the ultimate price.'

'We're very proud of you, Jenkins. Keep up the good work.'

'Remember you told me to be friendly to your boss.'