Ouija Boards Pillows

Cat Seance

"Do you want to pretend to be a doctor and I'll pretend to be a hotshot civil litigation attorney who sues you till your ears bleed?"

'You see, Brad, I'm not just a highly polished career woman.'

"Hoskins, try saying 'profits are up' without the finger quotes, okay?"

"Great plan. Could we get some more details?"

'To close the deal, I had to make some minor concessions.'

'Sure, I took your shovel. Ethics doesn't kick in for a year or two.'

'Now this is exactly what I was referring to when I talked about 'scope creep'.'

"I will now fend off questions from the audience."

'It's easy, Greg. Just get in touch with your inner regional sales manager.'

Around here it got a little tricky...

"I'll bet you're very proud of your handsome, well-behaved little sporks here."

Thank You, Goals Achieved... and then some!

'No surf?'

The wetsuit preferred by 9 out of 10 executive windsurfers.

"I now propose a 5 minute break so we can confide with our dogs."

"All power to the board of directors!"

Company take-over bid

It says, Did you know you can now call up any spirit for just 10

'Well, it looks like the 'yea' has it.'

"By the time I develop a true understanding of sand, I'll probably be forced into some sort of organized sports."

'Can't you read?!'

Skateboarding

'This is Phillips. He's our new idea man.'

"I brought a new can opener, but let's save the old one in case we ever need a broken can opener."

Stats. Fantasy League. The difference between men and boys is men draft their imaginary friends onto fantasy sports teams.

Attorney-at-play

"As an efficiency expert I can with great certainty point to one inescapable fact. You guys aren't."

"I'm sure you will be very happy together."

'Disgusting! We don't go playing in their toilet!'

'Come on, come on...I've gotta go!'

That's a salad pitchfork, Bob.

"Sandbox. One more to cross off my bucket list."

The sword or the briefcase in the stone

'I've chosen you for fresh, new ideas.'