Organizational Behaviorists T-Shirts

"This is a merit-based organization! Can't you see I’ve hired the very best and most qualified yes-men money can buy?"

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

"This position has become very important to the company."

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

"Well, ordinary men have colleagues. Successful men have victims."

"Staff support"

"So we are agreed then, most of the targets we've set staff are completely unreasonable and we should just scrap them."

"Peter's Joint Head of Communications."

How leaders fail

"He's not really much of a leader...he just has a lot of followers."

"The meeting will come to order."

"Any questions?"

"We can waste time and look for a solution or...just find a scapegoat?"

'I've stepped on so many people for the last 20 years to get where I'm at, and I'm still only a middle manager.'

"It looks like the 'because I say so' has it."

"This is Briggs, our new department head. He's got an amazing knack for reducing complex problems into easy-to-understand witch hunts!"

'We have a strict don't-ask-don't-tell policy for salaries.'

"Sir, your ducks, they are not in a row."

"They found a use for that old paper shredder."

He used to pass the buck, since being promoted to management he gets to call it delegating authority.

'The organizational structure is pretty simple: We do the work; they take the credit.'

'He takes his organization chart seriously.'

"Openness and transparency are a big part of our corporate mythos."

Human Recources Management

"Nobody is to blame until we pick someone."

Speed of assimilation VS New team members

'This is what happens when we give up our resistance to change.'

"Read the part when I invented micro management."

'Jones, I don't like you because it's so hard to find something to blame you for!'

The worker/the man who monitors the worker/the man who wrote the draft policy guidelines on how to monitor the man monitoring the worker.

'I think I'm decisive. Can I get back to you on that?'

"I'm telling you! They don't know anything! No one is in charge!"

"'Statistics will prove anything' is right, Carruthers. They prove you screwed up."

We're one big happy family here. What I'm looking for is a man who can make it work.