Organizational Behaviorists T-Shirts

"This is a merit-based organization! Can't you see I’ve hired the very best and most qualified yes-men money can buy?"

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

"This position has become very important to the company."

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

"Well, ordinary men have colleagues. Successful men have victims."

"Staff support"

"So we are agreed then, most of the targets we've set staff are completely unreasonable and we should just scrap them."

How leaders fail

"He's not really much of a leader...he just has a lot of followers."

"The meeting will come to order."

"We can waste time and look for a solution or...just find a scapegoat?"

"Any questions?"

'We have a strict don't-ask-don't-tell policy for salaries.'

'I've stepped on so many people for the last 20 years to get where I'm at, and I'm still only a middle manager.'

"This is Briggs, our new department head. He's got an amazing knack for reducing complex problems into easy-to-understand witch hunts!"

"It looks like the 'because I say so' has it."

"Sir, your ducks, they are not in a row."

"They found a use for that old paper shredder."

'The organizational structure is pretty simple: We do the work; they take the credit.'

'He takes his organization chart seriously.'

"Openness and transparency are a big part of our corporate mythos."

Speed of assimilation VS New team members

Human Recources Management

"Nobody is to blame until we pick someone."

'This is what happens when we give up our resistance to change.'

'Jones, I don't like you because it's so hard to find something to blame you for!'

"Read the part when I invented micro management."

The worker/the man who monitors the worker/the man who wrote the draft policy guidelines on how to monitor the man monitoring the worker.

'I think I'm decisive. Can I get back to you on that?'

"I'm telling you! They don't know anything! No one is in charge!"

"'Statistics will prove anything' is right, Carruthers. They prove you screwed up."

We're one big happy family here. What I'm looking for is a man who can make it work.

"This report says a happy workforce is a productive workforce, but I need more proof before I go changing everything around."