Optical Observer T-Shirts

'Just how bad is your eyesight, Martin?'

First Contact

"You read the exit sign. The eye chart is behind you."

'Isn't that cute! They're thanking us.'

'It says I missed freshmen Orientation and I have to take it in summer school in order to graduate.'

'What was that?!' 'A 'Mach'-ing bird.'

"Of course it's alien abductions! How else would you explain the, 'November Phenomenon'?"

"Why does this curious plant of his always make me feel gigantic?"

"Lately, I've been trying to spend less time staring at the glowing orb."

Squirrel Tapping On Window Demanding Food.

"Look at that ant farm! I love the ants' little overalls!

Bird feeder being used by vultures.

"I'm more of an 'I like to watch' dog."

Astronaut Selfie.

Gone to seed.

'What day is trash pickup around here?'

'No, I'm not into astronomy. That telescope is for you to see your new parking spot.'

"Please, George...not here!"

"I have to go on a diet! According to that fisherman I have gained fifty pounds overnight!!"

A very young mariner. A young mariner. An ancient mariner.

No, I don't think they throw those up here for us.

'There it is. Just above Orion's Pants.'

A psychic predicts the discovery of gluten.

'Man, when was the last time you had your eyes tested?'

'He's so fast he has to stop to clean the insects off his glasses.'

Go Back to New York

Cat and Squirrel on Screen Door.

'Asteroid, asteroid!' ... 'Fore!'

God's Fly Swat...

'...I think I found Ursa Major.'

Impractical Gardener.

Space junk.

'I say, it really shows off your astigmatism to its greatest advantage, doesn't it?'

Oculist.

"Oh, man. Ha ha! The look on your face when that squirrel turned around and started chasing you!"