Opportunistic Planner Pillows

'I'd like a joint account with a millionaire please.'

'Yes, I do have some ideas for the wedding! We could fly in on jet packs, say our vows on a bridge over a piranha pool with you in a white bikini, hold the reception in a casino and honeymoon in a secret underground bunker!'

"Sorry, we don't hire people with a history of whistle blowing."

Lawyer's secretary has in boxes labeled: Before the Fact and After the Fact.

Workers are running out of one door labeled 'Reactive Business Intelligence,' while another worker in the next room sits calmly behind a door with a sign that reads, 'Proactive Business Intelligence.'

'I told you he's gonna be the next Warren Buffett!'

"After viewing your current account balance, I think you should read the sign."

Take Away Wedding Cake 50p.

"I will place this broken phone charger in the 'man' drawer. Where in six months time, it will magically fix itself."

"Whoever said there ain't no such thing as a free lunch obviously has never circled around a highway."

"An ounce of prevention." "This way we don't need to raise as much."

'I'm rather rich actually, maybe it's because I always laugh all the way to the bank...'

"My career was on the launching pad."

Kid sells underwear outside of hospital emergency doorway.

Dye now, pay later!

'We have something with terrific fringe benefits. No salary - just fringe benefits.'

'When one trap door closes, another opens.'

Look — if you had one shot or one opportunity to seize everything you ever wanted. One moment — Would you capture it or just let it slip?

"Yessir warmer weather will be moving in any day now."

'My first piece of advice is not to put all your eggs in one basket.'

"It's not the grant we expected, but it's better than a kick in the pants."

"Planning a few changed for the new year?"

'I didn't ask you to help me when it was $90 an ounce, and I didn't ask you to help me when it was $110 an ounce. But when it's $400 an ounce...'

Instant winner trash can

'Hey, it's Heaven, why wouldn't we cash in on that?'

Best Seller: How you can profit from the upcoming terrorist upheavals.

"It's pro-active, Stan. I'm leaving you before you become a midlife male sleazeball creep."

"So you think people will line up to give us a job?"

'No. Why should I give you my autograph?. You'll only sell it on eBay!'

Homework eaten $2

"Are we celebrating the start of the new year or having survived the old one?"

'Junior doesn't know exactly when he's graduating from college, but he's able to offer increasingly educated guesses.'

'Just a few more years, Sally, and we can start that family we always wanted.'