Opinion Poll Taker Pillows

'You are polling very well with the highly motivated 18 to 26 year olds who never vote.'

"This just in: According to a recent poll, painkillers have replaced religion as the opiate of the masses."

"You can't offend me. I never mix religion or politics with reality."

'Please, Ma'am — I'm running out of paper!'

'When I want your opinion I'll sack you!'

'For? Against? Undecided? Uniformed? Apathetic? This is one accurate poll!'

"If you want my opinion you're damned if you do and damned if you don't."

I conduct comprehensive surveys - I ask my girlfriend.

'Yes. No. Sometimes. No. No. Yes. Don't know. Sometimes. Yes. Mo.'

"This internet survey is asking me to take another survey rating the survey I'm taking."

'Those are my views on the election, but perhaps you'd like to get a second doctors opinion.'

'The controversy builds, as we gather more half-arsed comments to dress up as considered public opinion!'

"Do I take it that we can't be guaranteed your vote in the forthcoming election?"

"Would you like your MP not to stand at the next election?"

"It seems all doctors agree with you, but I'd still like to get a 15th opinion."

"It's seasonal, like the first gritters of Winter and the first cuckoos of Spring...the first pollsters of the election!"

Dropping Popularity of Obama.

'Our poll shows the typical voter is all polled out.'

"The latest poll numbers must be out."

"I am in a buying mood, but I still can't afford to buy anything."

"Hmm... I wonder what I can find to trigger my self-righteous indignation today..?"

"I'm undecided, but that doesn't mean I'm apathetic or uninformed."

Gallup...opinion plus...just plain nosey.

"You never told me what you thought of 'Wolverine.'" "I was waiting." "For what?" "For the consensus." "My own immediate reaction to any piece of entertainment could be biased. I need to read tweets and posts before I settle on a verdict." "If my view differs too much from the hive mind, it's not valid."

Climate Change is Real

"Your poll results on't look good. You're trailing 'statistically insignificant'."

"Well, I'm offended!"

Babbling Idiot

Frank integrates the modern, poll-driven, finger-in-the-wind brand of politics into his parenting style.

'In your opinion, who was the worst U.S. president since W.W.II...?'

'According to yesterday's poll, 46% of people support having rain tomorrow while 36% are against. 24% are undecided.'