Operation Humorists Gifts

'This is the part of the job I hate.'

'I have a plan 'B' but that's also dependent on a working projector bulb.'

"The meeting will last until lunch, or hell freezes over, whichever is longer."

What's wrong with the computer you've got?"

'I went to my boss and demanded the fruits of my labor. He gave me a Blackberry.'

'A computer is only as good as the people who are employed to replace the people who were made redundant by the computer.'

"My biggest weakness? I'm a perfectionist."

"Motivational seminars are too expensive. Just buy stronger coffee."

"Call my broker, fax my accountant, and get my groove back."

'According to the budget, we'll have to count on body heat to keep the offices warm.'

'ANOTHER Shakespeare play?!! Look, all we wanted was the user manual for a sandwich maker.'

The paperless office sign covered in post-it notes

"I was just finishing up some spring cleaning."

"If we do hire you, will you promise to bring a bag lunch and dispose of the bag in the proper receptacle?"

'Surely they're not ALL still in their offices!'

"Just how long has there been a maraschino cherry at the top of the organizational chart?"

'I'm pretty sure I have a Ph.D. I think one came bundled with my new computer.'

'Oh, we have an excellent benefits package ??" major medical, dental plan, vacation, retirement, nude encounter sessions....'

'How many words per minute do you type?'

The state off graduates literacy levels is shoking and both my coleegues agree that there maths isn't much better!

"Well, it could be the rising tide of consumer indifference to our company's latest product, or it might be the sink in the men's bathroom acting up again. We're still not sure."

"When all else fails, blow darts still get their attention."

'Don't worry! Since 28% of my salary goes to the government, I've decided to work 72% of the time!'

Human Resources Dept. When the boss says you're on the "short list" for promotion, it's not a crack about your height.

"We've decided to give you a bonus, Rick. It's any change you find under the cushions."

'The boss just chewed me up and spit me out...'

Employment Agency. I didn't hire him -- Those bipedal guys are are afraid to get their hands dirty.

'He's a great leader...he doesn't care who gets the credit...as long as he gets the money.'

'Pardon me, Doctor; but exactly where did you study anaesthesiology?'

'What do you mean, you want a coffee break?!'

"Let's just start cutting and see what happens."

"All in favor of telling Anderson about that thing stuck to his lip, say aye."

'Your test results are in - and here's a first, the Lab Techs have asked to meet you.'

GDP and G&T.

"Damn tail... now he's going to ask for more money."