Operating Theater Staff T-Shirts

"What's the hold up with that kidney?"

"Same story every morning - 'Can you come and fix our windmill?'..."

'It was great. I hated it.'

'Incredibly Inexpensive Sound Engineers. Pretty Good Sound Engineers, 12 the price, 23 the quality. You'll hardly notice the occasional feedback.'

'Our interns work extremely long hours. The harness will help keep them awake during your operation.'

"Because of illness, the role of Mimi in tonight's performance will be sung by a temp."

Open Mike for the spotlight operators

"Well, you can't say they didn't warn us."

West End Shows closing - box office piled high with boxes.

A football game appears on the operating theatres monitor instead of the patients heartbeat.

Quick! 5-second rule!

Fire starts at magic show while audience participant is left behind.

"Is there a dramaturge in the house?"

'I've a horrible feeling I've left one of the implements inside the patient, Chang.'

'Something needs to be done about the surgery room lights.'

Theater Owner Who Refused To Convert To Digital Projection.

"I'm Dr. Fenton. I'll be performing your microsurgery today."

'It looks like Mel Brooks is at it again.'

'I need to reset his internal clock...does anyone have the correct time?'

'Every new neurosurgery intern has to make the joke about the patient having an 'open mind' but then they get over it.'

"The opening night is always a bit special!"

'You idiot, Martin, you don't need those silly glasses to get an amazing 3-D effect. . . this is a PLAY!'

'Notice how I stare at the forms like I'm actually reading them... and generally moving very slowly so I'm a little further behind schedule as the day progresses.'

"Will someone be completing my surgery?"

'Yes, they've kept it pretty close to the book.'

'The magician? I don't know. He seems to have vanished into thin air.'

"Enjoy the movie, and try not to cry too loud at the end when the dog comes home."

Now Showing - Titanic: Queue Here: Women + Children First.

"I've brought the wrong tickets...And I've come to the wrong show."

'Say, aren't you the building inspector who gave us such a hard time when we were building a house last year?'

'Is there a spotlight operator in the house?'

'Sure we're concerned about terrorism, but the only bombs we've seen around here are some of the movies we've booked.'

Darn, there's always one piece leftover that doesn't fit anywhere.

"Okay. . . Where DID the elephant go?. . ."

Being married is like working backstage at a magic show.