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"Here's a blues number written about my inability to remember computer passwords."

Open Mike Night Presents Sadie Cohen in: Changing Seasons. Does life affirm with coming fall? Leaved hit the ground, men huddle. Smashing each other over a ball. Wrestling around in a puddle. Huh? In this potpourri of hulky sights, one image is hardly the least, sir. So many changes, so many nights ... to see Eli Manning's keister. The bard of NY Giants football. Beautiful. Disgusting.

"The rest of our trio couldn't make it tonight, folks, so I'll do my best to fill in for them!"

Zombie standup

Open mike night presents Sadie Cohen. Summer's almost over

'No ice.'

"I forget to drink."

"'Tis the story of a woeful refugee... ...whose plight has been forgotten. An admirable, amiable sort is he... but boy is he downtrodden. With courage of the kind you rarely see, he defended this land, when Redcoats invaded over land and sea, peck their knees and hands. And how did America repay this debt it owed its forest bird? Did you put our noble visage on the national seal as we would have preferred? No... You ate us. Just like the British did. I really think that it's the least you can do

Redhead

"Just water for me, please."

'Your switching to Scotch? And after I've given you the best beers of my life!'

'No more for me, thanks - I've already had a skinful.'

"I hate open-mike night."

'At least they can't touch the village local' say two country gents. The pub now has a sign on the window saying 'This is now a smoke free pub, also no dogs or horsey types!'

'You can't win - a little knowledge is a dangerous thing, but ignorance is no excuse!'

"I was wondering if you could recommend a good 'hoppy' beer?"

"I don't want to play for the audience. I want to play for the fans."

'Oy!...Did you spill my pinata!?'

"I've been bounced a few times, but never deposed."

'Beer? Wassat then?'

Beer Lunch

'He doesn't actually drink much. He spills most of it!'

"That? - Oh, along about his fourth beer, Old Cunningham, there, usually starts singing 'Greensleeves.'"

'Actually,I didn't start drinking until his dog died.'

'Sorry, no credit, the only free spirit in here is my barmaid.'

The screaming fart.

"Pick me! No me! Me! Pick me! Pick ME!"

'If there's going to be a double dip, who's joining me in the pub?'

'God! This tastes like cats...'

"Keep an eye on Old Bound Volume of Harpers. He's on the make."

Open Mike Night Presents the Comedy Stylings of Rudy Park. Did you hear about the iPhone that hired the best wedding planner in the country because it wanted a great reception? Clap. And then there was the autocorrect programmer who got rejected when he asked a lady out on a debate. The romance didn't last long when the cable tv box found out how spacey the satellite tv box was. Get off the stage! The one who invented binary code was a real zero. Boo. Hiss. I don't even get that one, and I'm gla

'I thought I'd seen everything, and then my wife came up with tofu fajitas.'

Joe's Tavern: Perfect Attendance

Ye Olde Inn, Fine Food & Spirits.

Open mike night presents: Rudy Park. You done left me alone … Cut out when I needed you most. How brightly we'd have shone … had you not given up the ghost. I done loved you baby. Now I just feel so bad-n-used. I'm a-goin' crazy … I got me the laptop low-battery life blues. That portable never loved you, honey child!