Open-hearted Gifts

First Church of Whatever Works for You.

"This stool shall pass."

Get crazy once in a while

"Your assumption that a one in a million chance event MUST be a miracle shows you drastically underestimate the total number of regularly occurring events."

Prejudice/Empathy

"Of course I love you, I'm just busy with other men."

'Hug someone you love today, but don't break them in half.'

"Vince prides himself on his open mind, and you'd be suprised at some of the things that crawl into it."

'Your heart is slightly larger but that's because you're an animal lover.'

"I'm open to new things."

'Does that mean my reflexes are GOOD then, doctor?'

'They're not like popsickles, Sir. . . they're just too warm and syrupy.'

Golf ball escaping.

'Referring to God as 'she' seems to offend all the right people.' (religious people discussing religion)

Society for the Furtherance of Liberal Thought.

'Hey! Those things aren't toys, you know.'

'Your x-ray shows an enlarged heart. It's nothing to worry about. All teachers have a big heart.'

"The only problem I have with my belief system is that I always believe it."

"I can express my opinions to you because you have an open mind."

"So, I hear you swing both ways."

'For once can't you open your mind?'

"When I grow up, I'll still be religious."

"Thanks for keeping an open mind."

Dead to Me

Help Wanted: No Preconceived Notions Required. We'll create your new world view.

"When someone else is eating it, it wouldn't kill you to be just a little gluten-tolerant."

"Alice, you have to make a decision. This is still a monogamy state."

"As you probably heard me telling Liz, I'd like to start seeing other twins."

"Dear, what would you say to the idea of bringing more ethnic and gender diversity into our marriage?"

"Mom, Dad, this is my friend Cindy. Cindy is a sex worker."

Gender.

"Hello there. I'm the bluebird of Orthodox Judaism. What do you say you get up, you put on t'fillin and you daven this morning?"

'Wait a minute - Shouldn't we flip a coin to see who goes first?'

"Er! Actually I was thinking of starting with the left handed."

"I wish you weren't so narrow-minded."