Online Validator Pillows

"Waiter, can you heat this up? The wild salmon got cold while I was posting it to Instagram."

"If it doesn't happen on Facebook, it didn't happen."

'Those enormous worldwide internet communities.'

"So much for password protected."

"I may have been the runt of the litter, but online I'm the alpha dog."

"Do you have a link I can click on that removes me from all future conversations with you?"

"That was before I found this amazing new way to earn $$$ working from home."

Feedback should be sought for genuine reasons, not because you want compliments. . .

"The boss loves the positive feedback he gets every time he says something."

"Social media makes it impossible to see, hear or speak no evil."

"Today I'm going to search and scroll and swipe and binge."

Computer spying.

And if you press that one, somebody will come in and tell you what a great job you're doing.

'Today we learned if it ain't on Google, it ain't worth knowing.'

'I need my lifestyle validated.'

"Remember when we used to waste our entire lives for free?"

'It turns out it wasn't an Internet scam after all. It was just a really bad investment idea.'

"Mom, can we get a pet so I can use its name in answering a password security question?"

'And whenever I attempt cybersex, my computer freezes.'

'These online fantasy worlds are great fun. I can be ‘Dave the Accountant' from Birmingham.'

"To prove I'm human, I check the box. It still won't let me in."

'And I have an overwhelming desire to be needed...'

"What happened today? A bully hacked into the school electronic payments account and stole my lunch money."

How do they know me so well?

"Our specials can also be accessed at www.todaysspecials.com."

'My friend Andy is outside with his laptop. He wants to know if I can come out and blog.'

Woman standing behind boss with sign saying 'Applause'.

"Keep your eyes on your own screen."

(Visual gag) Lonely Hearts Club / A human heart searching for a potential partner on a Lonely Hearts Club website.

'I need my lifestyle validated.'

"May I have your attention? For Christmas, all I want is for everyone to write a note on how smart, charming and social I am. I'm collecting college reference letters before I enter my terrible teens."

Parking validation