Online Sermonizer Prints

'What does it profit a man to gain the whole world and lose his internet provider?'

"Having completed the formation of the earth, on the seventh day the Lord rested. Then, on the eighth day, the Lord said, 'Let there be problems.' And there were problems."

'It's Sundays like this that I regret our church website is so popular.'

Remote work

"Virtual Reality glasses. Well, I said my sermon would let them see the real difference between Heaven and Hell this morning"

Clerical Training Course - 'Gentlemen, we are here to practise what we preach.'

'...And remember, tune in next week at this same time for the exciting conclusion of 'David and Bathsheba.'!'

'The reading is from my brand new mobile phone.'

'I understand there have been complaints that his sermons weren't getting through to the teenagers.'

"And the weird shall inherit the Earth, for their ways are difficult for A.I. algorithms to figure out."

"I meant 'go and make disciples' after the sermon, Bob."

Matins 10 AM Open Pulpit

'To everything there is a season; a time to cut, and a time to paste...'

"He didn't mean on Twitter."

Priest's computer screen reads: 'e-confession. Please type 10 Hail Marys ... and no cut'n'paste ...'

doom.com

"I gotta log off, guys - I just encountered some malicious spyware."

'Today's sermon may seem a little incoherent -- my 'Preach-o-Mat' program crashed.'

"OMG! 12 followers already...this thing could go viral."

"I'm a pastor. My job is to speak 20 minutes on Sunday and listen the rest of the week."

"Why do I bother to evangelize online when no one listens?"

"And the meek, aided by social media pester power, shall inherit the world."

"An 'eight' for technical merit, Pastor, but only a 'five' for originality."

'I can remember when you only had to worry about delivering good sermons.'

Pastor Joe never works blue: 'I avoid the sex and violence of the Old Testament.'

"I suppose a lot of people do their worshipping online these days."

'It will be nice to have the words of my sermon there but it could be distracting to run football scores ... '

St. Paul's Church: Today's sermon - 'What is hell?' (underneath says 'come hear our choir).

"It can never work out between us. You're selfie, Instagram, and twitter shy."

'Maybe you could find a sermon idea in HERE.'

"Things have been pretty quiet around here since folks started worshipping online."

St. Gregory Church - We will not be undersaved.

"And do please remember to visit our online confession service."