Online Worshipper Prints

'It's Sundays like this that I regret our church website is so popular.'

Priest's computer screen reads: 'e-confession. Please type 10 Hail Marys ... and no cut'n'paste ...'

Marilyn's Rushmore

"If we could all turn to page 387, turn off your iPods and repeat after me?"

"Communion at the contemporary service is scones and coffee."

"So no bases are uncovered, Sister Ann gives the sermon to the deaf and Brother Brooks blogs it."

'But, apart from the pews, the sermon, the hymns, the coffee and, 'all that praying', you'd come again?'

Next Sunday - Rap Mass! 'I thought we reached the limit when we had that jazz mass.'

"Restless spirit, we don't know who or what you are, but thank you for your amazing Wi-Fi, and for keeping the signal strong."

Jennifer Aniston

"And the Lord he sayeth 'doest thou thinkest I knoweth not who sniggereth at the back there?'"

'I guess you're not from around here. In this region of the country football is in the religion section.'

"We're testing a new virtual reality praise & worship system for the satellite campus."

'Remember you are dust bunny and to dust bunny you shall return.'

Fitness in church.

TV and man

The most popular Sunday at St Clive's was always the annual 'Blessing of the Smartphones' service.

Pastor wearing sunglasses against the hymns.

"Please select hymn number 637 on your i-pods."

'Today's sermon may seem a little incoherent -- my 'Preach-o-Mat' program crashed.'

"You may need to pep up your sermons, sir. Some of the members are requesting WIFI in the pews."

Church Sign Asks If You Are Prepared for Digital Conversion.

"Sorry, but the Wi-Fi password is for tithing church members only."

"I have sent you all an e-mail of today's text if you wish to follow along."

Worshiping the TV.

"We had 17 first time viewers on the live stream sermon today." (pastor talking to his wife)

"I suppose a lot of people do their worshipping online these days."

'You didn't hear me say my prayers because I texted them.'

"Due to social distancing - all gods will be fake from home."

"Finished feeding the 5000. What do you want to do with the left over fish?"

'What do you mean 'IamThePope.com' is already taken?!? By who!?!'

The pastor forgot to remove his wireless mic before entering the baptismal."

"Let us bow our heads, turn off our cell phones, and pray."

"And do please remember to visit our online confession service."

'All the rest can scroll to Leviticus on your Bible software...'