Online Reputation Manager T-Shirts

I've spent all night diluting our negative reviews on Yelp. Really? Yeah. You know how you can usually tell when a business owner does that? They post "reviews" that don't have even a hint of negativity. Amateurs. Check out the negatives I include: "House of Java Cafe. I hate it because it's so perfect, it makes the rest of my day feel inadequate."

'How fast can you hype?'

Apart from your mother, who else thinks you're doing a good job as Chairman of the company?

Pity vs. Bragging and Public Relations

'I'll be a responsible and mature asset to the company, as proven by the lack of asinine photos of me on Facebook.'

"Commandments aren't really selling these days. However, we're willing to consider self-help tips or personal improvement ideas."

"I've spent all night diluting our negative reviews on Yelp." "Really?" "Yeah. You know how you can usually tell when a business owner does that?" "They post 'reviews' that don't have even a hint of negativity." "Amateurs. Check out the negatives I include: 'House of Java Cafe. I hate it because it's so perfect, it makes the rest of my day feel inadequate.'"

UBLIC RELATIONS IN CASE OF EMERGENCY BREAK GLASS

'How fast can you hype?'

"Sinclair's not all he's cracked up to be. His reputation exceeds him."

Sportswasher's

"Remember, Katie, genius is 10% inspiration and 80% media manipulation."

Others' perceptions (which aren't always true)

"I mind my mother, eat my broccoli and do my homework, but you won't tell the guys, will you?"

"We specialize in corporate slogans, business brochures and annual reports to shareholders..."

"After all the trouble I've been in lately, I decided to hire a PR firm to repair my image."

You can have your privacy back, as soon as I've finished showing it to everyone

'This is really going to tarnish his legacy, Al.'

"Unfortunately your Twitter has been hacked. Fortunately it has been hacked by someone much cooler and funnier than you."

"Long time commenter, first time reader. . ."

'Hopkins, I want you to write me an inspiring, dynamic speech that bears my unmistakable stamp of genius.'

"I'm not entirely convinced of your strategy as financial PR.."

'I've received celebrity status!'

'Before we begin, management has asked me to announce that it is the policy to discourage all staff members from speaking to the media.'

"I used to be known as Mr. Nice Guy, but I bought my way out."

'As a part of the company's green initiative, I hereby dedicate this tree! May it forever serve as a symbol of our corporate responsibility to the environment!

"It's your agent. Everyone wants a piece of you."

"Your career needs a jumpstart. Rehab is pass?. How about 3 weeks in prison?"

"How's that for your 'corporate response?'"

"I'm sorry, but I can't hire you. I typed your name in on a search engine, and lazy, selfish, and unmotivated were the categories that came up."

'Find out why the media is assembling outside our building.'

That rant of yours about how nobody has any privacy anymore just showed up on YouTube.

Every day Fred had to make sure he was properly prepared for his job as a social media moderator.

"YouTube have scrapped their dislike button and he doesn't know how to respond."

I was going to make you a rich woman, but you're done. Fine with me. I don't care what percentage I'll get. I won't let you play with my reputation. I won't let you trade in fake scandal. Perfect. What? We got your anger on videotape. Your redemption is complete. You're back on the air. Even my head is spinning.