Reputation Protector T-Shirts

Scandal. An illicit videotape has surfaced showing Sadie Cohen being nice to Rudy Park!!! I deny it, of course. It's a frame job. Actual footage. Fancy computer. Be a sweetie and shoe me how to use it some time? Sure! Haven't you people ever heard of sarcasm?!?! You're ruined.

Apart from your mother, who else thinks you're doing a good job as Chairman of the company?

"I'm afraid our drinking water isn't pure."

Pity vs. Bragging and Public Relations

"We're counting on you to reverse this trend before this afternoon's investors meeting."

Business cartoon showing sales declining so much that they bounce off the floor.

"I intend to stay in this job, come Hell or high water."

'I'll be a responsible and mature asset to the company, as proven by the lack of asinine photos of me on Facebook.'

'This app is linked to my financial advisor and provides simulated hand holding when the market is down.'

"I've spent all night diluting our negative reviews on Yelp." "Really?" "Yeah. You know how you can usually tell when a business owner does that?" "They post 'reviews' that don't have even a hint of negativity." "Amateurs. Check out the negatives I include: 'House of Java Cafe. I hate it because it's so perfect, it makes the rest of my day feel inadequate.'"

"Sinclair's not all he's cracked up to be. His reputation exceeds him."

"I suppose you're all wondering why I called this meeting today."

Others' perceptions (which aren't always true)

'Anti-Graffito' worker about to erase hieroglyphics.

"There's something about seeing red that just drives me crazy."

The stock market sky is falling.

'Closing the letter with 'Very fondly yours' seems okay but let's run it by legal, to be sure it cannot be misinterpreted as sexual harassment.'

"I mind my mother, eat my broccoli and do my homework, but you won't tell the guys, will you?"

"The last thing I remember was asking my broker if all my money had been in risk-free bonds."

"You're lucky you're a U.S. citizen and this is America! The government has generously offered you five free guesses about what you're charged with and where you're going to be secretly detained."

'I know you love her and want to protect her. But it's wrong to laminate her.'

'Sorry, but I won't discuss my financial portfolio on a first date.'

"After all the trouble I've been in lately, I decided to hire a PR firm to repair my image."

'Daddy says, 'Better drowned than duffers if not duffers won't drown'. Well, let's just hope social services don't hear about this.'

'Nice, but let's call them the 'Bill of Rights' instead of the 'Bill of Loopholes'.'

'You've had enough!'

You can have your privacy back, as soon as I've finished showing it to everyone

Hands off my IP

Notre Dame Fire

"We have had some bumps and bruises on the stock market."

"Unfortunately your Twitter has been hacked. Fortunately it has been hacked by someone much cooler and funnier than you."

I've spent all night diluting our negative reviews on Yelp. Really? Yeah. You know how you can usually tell when a business owner does that? They post "reviews" that don't have even a hint of negativity. Amateurs. Check out the negatives I include: "House of Java Cafe. I hate it because it's so perfect, it makes the rest of my day feel inadequate."

Deadly sales figures...

"I used to be known as Mr. Nice Guy, but I bought my way out."

Menifee Madness