Online Medical User Prints

"I'm getting the hang of the patient portal. It reminded me to refill my beta blocker, but I keep getting ads. Can you prescribe a good pop-up blocker too?"

'Is this the new input device?'

'When I was told our new computer was going to be state of the art, no one mentioned it was state of the art in 1954.'

'I checked my symptoms on the internet and I think I might be dead!'

'We'll have Bubba here check to see if we've idiot-proofed your computer.'

That's my diagnosis. If you want a second opinion, I will ask my Smart Phone

'I'm too busy installing updates to figure out any practical application for them.'

'Yes, Fluffy was a great dog and to honor her memory, we've decided to keep her name as part of our computer password.'

"That's not what it says on the Web."

'He expects so much from me but his data is flawed.'

Your hands are cold...

'This baby has lots of memory.'

You have a hangover!

"So, when you looked up your symptoms, did it say to complain about it incessantly but never seek treatment?"

'Oh no. A Y1K virus.'

'Jerry's a cryptic sort of guy,'

"Nurse! Call the doctor, I've found out what is wrong with me."

Hypochondriac at two computers. One reads 'Internet diagnosis', other says 'Second opinion'.

'May I go home now?'

"Things have been pretty quiet around here since folks started worshipping online."

'Lying down on the job again, Crenshaw?'

"Let's make a deal, doc. I'll stop diagnosing myself on the internet when you start making house calls again."

"So, how do you like your new medical website?"

Dorian Gray's Computer Graphics.

I can't handle too much change so I'm reading a four-year-old magazine while waiting for my telemedicine appointment.

"I appreciate your researching solutions on the Internet, but there is little evidence to show twig broth and changing will help your condition."

'Let's just see how intuitive this software really is.'

'Have you considered buying a new computer?'

"I'm not feeling too great. Maybe I'll ask WebMD what's wrong with me."

'Is all you can say?' - 'No but that's all I think you'll understand.'

Texas Programmers AC Members Club: Ride the wild mainframe.

'I have your lab results on my tablet - just let me finish this game first.'

'I said use your toolbar, NOT your crowbar.'

"Well, if you followed me on twitter, you'd already know your diagnosis."

People in the office heeded the warning that sitting too long in front of a computer was bad for their health.