Online Interviews Prints

"Oh yes, I've been passionate about chimney sweeping for my whole life, and I think I'll fit right in with the team."

"So, I see you have a background in advertising..."

Moses on the web

'Alas, poor Yorick, I knew you well. But dude, you're creeping me out, so I gotta un-friend you!'

'Will you pipe down? I'm in a business meeting.'

"Where would you see yourself in five years' time?"

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

'Can you do more work then is humanly possible?'

'I'm afraid you don't have the leadership qualities we're seeking.'

"Could you please focus on the objective of this meeting, Tom... you can get back to your 300 followers later."

"If it doesn't happen on Facebook, it didn't happen."

"To make this interview more entertaining I would like you to take a breath of helium before answering the questions."

"OMG, LOL!"

"Where do you see yourself in 20 to 25 years?"

"Why would I want to meet Santa? I can just go home and log onto his social media page from the comfort of my bed."

'I'm looking fo someone who can make me laugh.'

"I see by your resume this would be your first time in a symbiotic relationship."

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

'There's no art to the mind's construction on Facebook, Macbeth.'

"So what makes you think you're qualified for this job?"

"And to my nephew, Todd, I leave my 27 Twitter followers."

'Your main goal in this job is getting out alive.'

Online Dating

"You work well without supervision? Fat chance of that happening in here!"

"Will follow you on social media for food."

'I know my resume makes me seem overtrained, but I really wasn't paying attention.'

'And I see you've listed opposable thumbs as your greatest asset...'

'I believe in a 'carrot and stick' approach to motivation. The carrot is not to use the stick.'

'We like your style, but hate your substance.'

"I see by your resume that you're having trouble finding work because you pad your resume."

'If you take this job, you will need child care... that's my second job.'

"You inhabit the body of someone who has an impressive résumé."

"And lastly, for my infinite perseverance, self-control and fortitude, I'd like to thank the Internet trolls."

'Why do you want a career in the bank?'

'Alright, throw in your resume and the 'Get A Job' potion will be complete.'