Online Humor Gifts

I just edited your Wikipedia entry. Whoopty doo. Tap tap tap tap tap. You'll be happy to know you are no longer the last of your kind, Sadie. Astronomers have discovered another supermassive black hole that expels nearly as much hot air as you do. You're now listed under "oppressive objects that burp out galactic gas." I will exact revenge at a time and place of my choosing.

Why put an unflattering picture of yourself on a dating site? I'm hoping opposites attract.

Are you on Facebook? I got kicked off of Facebook

"I'm going to be a twitter troll when I grow up."

"Greetings, I'm the bluebird of dank memes."

'Alas, poor Yorick, I knew you well. But dude, you're creeping me out, so I gotta un-friend you!'

"Eat not of the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge. Its sources have yet to be verified."

"Would you like to keep eighty-seven tabs open?"

"Hang on. Mommy's just checking to see if she's still relevant to the outside world."

"Did you get my tweet?"

I put a picture of my lunch on Facebook, and nobody hit "like." Who doesn't like Slim Jims and beer?

"I'll have you know that, '#dirtylitterbox' is trending on Twitter."

"I just edited your Wikipedia entry." "Big whoop." "What a coincidence, that's what scientists have classified you as: Bigwhoop." "...The much grumpier, much louder, and much, much older second cousin of Bigfoot." "You lousy son of a..." "Wait... thank you. That's very flattering."

Chasebook

"She looks just like in your photos."

"That's the trouble with cute kittens - they attract a lot of traffic."

'Oh no! Is this a blogger I saw before me?'

Twitter that!

"If he has more than 20 followers on Twitter we call him a 'celebrity'."

Advertising on the internet.

"You looked a lot bigger on your dating profile."

'Look dear, he's burning his first illegal download to rewritable dvd'

Facebook For Dogs.

"Can you take a video of me attacking the garbage so I can post it on Instagram?"

"Great, the end of the world and I'm going to be first on facebook with pictures!!"

"There is only one thing worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about. Lol. Winky face."

"Google gets thousands of requests each day to erase links. Most of them seem to go back to my website."

"Honey, our pop-up blocker stopped working again."

"I have to give you credit. You're a pit bull and you're nice on and offline."

"The internet without cat pictures? No way! Make a realistic wish like peace on earth, justice for all, everlasting life, sane politicians..."

'Did you auction off our house on eBay?'

"Just right click, save as, and now you own the complete works of William Shakespeare."

"It says 'Click here to enlarge.'"

I've founded my own religion. Of course you have, Rudy. It's off to a good start. Already, it's being mocked by people of other faiths. If history's any guide, within a couple hundred years, it'll be widely accepted and people who don't believe in it will be persecuted. What are the central tenets of your religion? A true Rudian knows that life is suffering, and winning arguments online is salvation.

"It's great the way that computer algorithms allow the internet to feed me with opinions that reinforce the ones I've already got - all on my phone!"