Online Friendship Analyst Mugs

"How to talk to people" "Make them rue the day"

"Even though I wasn't always perfect, I feel deep down that I am now."

"I decided to treat my employees like friends...now I hate all of them!"

'Of course I love her - but I'm not in love with her.'

"I hate to break it to you, but you weren't his best friend."

"Juicy worms?! Oh yes, they're my favourites too..."

"...as they may share in our joy.", "For we are all as one."

"Arrows won't work on him. Use a taser."

"You seem calm above the surface, but underneath I feel as if you're paddling like hell away from me."

"I wouldn’t go so far as to call Darren here an ‘imaginary friend’—he’s more of an imaginary acquaintance."

Facebook 33 A.D.

'My wife ran off with my best friend...I really miss him.'

Weapons of Mass Comparison

"What do you mean, you didn't know I wanted a divorce? Don't you follow me on social media?"

Look...a friendly face.

'Looks like I was wrong. Apparently I can have more loathing for this era...'

Kiss me quik dating service

'To be honest, the only reason I don't leave her is because she takes my penalty points on her licence.'

"Alpha Male."

No more neurotic people in my life, but will I be bored

'English you say? Well then, me being a Scottie, shall we have a go at being friends?'

"Listen, I like you and I like hanging out with you, but I'm getting more and more concerned about how your dad is looking at me..."

'Oh you know, the usual - Mice, rats... the occasional disloyal friend.'

Man Locked in a Heart

"Yeah, it's disappointing, but my mum also says we're not related: We can still be BFF though..."

Girl putting her toys in groups

"I operate under the assumption that man is basically good."

"Of course if you miss a payment the friendship ceases."

"Of course we still like you, Mark, but Joey has more friends on social media!"

"Good God. My wife and my best friend."

'You're too perfect, Lester - you're NOTHING to gossip about!'

"Enough about me. Tell me about you in five words or less."