Online Diagnosis Junkies Pillows

'I checked my symptoms on the internet and I think I might be dead!'

"Because we dismissed his original self-diagnosis, he wants to give us his second opinion."

'I've been googling your condition and I'm afraid to say...I think I might have it myself.'

'...And my thirty-seventh symptom....'

I'd like a second opinion on your self-diagnosis - So a random guy from the waiting room is googling your symptoms.

Man tapping a tuning fork on another man's knee

"Sorry, I don't really believe in being social offline."

'You have a harmless but highly irritating form of nervous disorder we call D.Y.I. - Diagnosing Yourself on the Internet.'

'My patients are picking up so much medical knowledge through the media that I feel more like their consultant than their doctor.'

"I looked up your rash online. Have you recently been to one of the moons of Saturn? Or, it could just be poison ivy."

'Our health plan consists of an hour of free web time to self-diagnose.'

"That's not what it says on the Web."

"I'm getting the hang of the patient portal. It reminded me to refill my beta blocker, but I keep getting ads. Can you prescribe a good pop-up blocker too?"

You have a hangover!

"Nurse! Call the doctor, I've found out what is wrong with me."

"It's the only way I can get some of my paitents to listen to me."

'I disagree with you, doctor. It's not just a hangnail. According to the Internet, it's a rare genetic disorder. . .'

"Amazing your knowledge of the virus, if anything, I should pay you."

"I just thought I'd run the symptoms by you before I get a proper diagnosis on Google."

"With symptoms like yours, you could be the next Batman!"

"Let's make a deal, doc. I'll stop diagnosing myself on the internet when you start making house calls again."

"I'm not feeling too great. Maybe I'll ask WebMD what's wrong with me."

Quasimodo visits his doctor - "I'm afraid you have Tinnitus!"

Web fatigue: 'Been there. . .downloaded that.'

"I don't care what it said when you looked up your symptoms on the internet. You arenot Anorexic."

'I've looked up my symptoms on the internet and I've either got...'

'I couldn't diagnose this ailment on the internet, so I was forced to come to you.'

"I'm very impressed with your web research,this self-diagnosis would be 100% accurate...if you were a Patagonian fruit bat!"

I've looked up my symptoms on the internet and I've either got swine fever,rift valley fever,bovine spongiform encelophalopathy,bluetongue or a stubbed toe!

"I've already consulted WebMD. I'm just here for a second opinion."

"I've found a diagnosis on the internet...maybe I should get a second opinion from my doctor."

'It's hurtful enough you diagnose yourself on the internet, but then to call me a 'second opinion!''

"Life beyound the web" "Fascinating, does it have a web site?"

"Stupid insurance form won't let me choose web as my primary care physician!"

"Sometimes I wonder why I spent 11 years studying medicine when your research online seems to have identified your condition...if you were a Patagonian fruit bat!"