Online Diagnosis Guru Pillows

You have a hangover!

"..Your analysis and medication would be perfect if you were a goat."

'I've been googling your condition and I'm afraid to say...I think I might have it myself.'

Kevin had a computer virus.

'I checked my symptoms on the internet and I think I might be dead!'

The Wiki Man.

'I'm sorry, but it's suffering from a terminal disease.'

'Sure, you can communicate with him. He's also hooked up to the Internet.'

"I'm referring you to a doctor with different software."

"We were really looking for someone who could lead people. How many followers do you have on Twitter?"

Your online profile only lists positive things about you. Of course, a "profile" only shows one side of a person.

Tunnel of Anxiety

"Your internet researched analysis of your condition and treatment is impressive,and it would be 100% on target...if you were a goat!"

"I'm getting the hang of the patient portal. It reminded me to refill my beta blocker, but I keep getting ads. Can you prescribe a good pop-up blocker too?"

Sad looking computer with plasters and a black eye

"I'm a doctor, I'm allowed to google it."

"I'm retiring to spend more time with my social media accounts."

"I'm guessing with all that mold coming out of your computer, it's been awhile since you've added fresh content to your site."

How's the exciting, glamorous and sexy world of the blogosphere treating you, Lars? It's all those things, Axel, but unfortunately, it's not financially rewarding

"Nurse! Call the doctor, I've found out what is wrong with me."

'Great news. There's a new, highly effective app for what you've got.'

"It's the only way I can get some of my paitents to listen to me."

'I disagree with you, doctor. It's not just a hangnail. According to the Internet, it's a rare genetic disorder. . .'

"Let me through! I'm admin!"

"I'm not feeling too great. Maybe I'll ask WebMD what's wrong with me."

"Well, I'm pretty sure I don't have Alzheimer's."

"So, how do you like your new medical website?"

"How's the self-diagnosis coming?"

Information Virus.

'Do you take social currency?'

"Right now? I'm putting my reputation on line."

"Let's make a deal, doc. I'll stop diagnosing myself on the internet when you start making house calls again."

"I just thought I'd run the symptoms by you before I get a proper diagnosis on Google."

'I have your lab results on my tablet - just let me finish this game first.'

"I looked up my symptoms on the Internet and I think I've got bovine spongiform encephalitis."