Online Culture Pillows

'I have multiple personalities and they are all following me on Twitter.'

'Let's see if he makes it through the night. Could you hold off updating his Facebook page until then?'

'Alas poor Website, I vaguely remember what you were going on about...'

The End of the Internet

Homeless dog wearing sign saying 'Former YouTube sensation."

"Are you sure you're not just trying to get back at Josh by sleeping with his avatar?"

"She gave us only one star on Trip-Advisor and totally trashed us on the porridge network."

"I read the comments."

"The doctor says I'm taking too many selfies."

"No, your sister isn't mad at us. Since she started university she now thinks it's mandatory to work up a sense of offended outrage before she logs on to any sort of social media."

'It happened so quick. Luckily, someone caught it and put it on YouTube.'

'Love your blog. Very Jane Austen.'

"Hey! On social media they say it's all bad, so walk with a stooped back and stop grinning!"

The World Will Overheat and End Next Week: Like, will it be on You Tube?

Allowing comments on the online obituaries was a terrible idea.

Queen at computer screen searching friends re: you knighted site.'

"It's a sign of the times - I get death threats just calling the numbers."

He's just discovereed that our £450,000 blog rebuttal campaign was directed against a 12 year old in swindon using his mum's computer.

'Mommy and Daddy met on a social networking site, that's why we named you twitter.'

Cyber Girl.

Vampire Generation Gap

"Alright. What should we watch first - the Youtube video or the comments below?"

"My Facebook page has only one like, but it is from the Emperor."

"I've edited your Wikipedia entry again, Sadie. You're about to be inundated with phone calls from the press." "Whatever, geek-boy." "You're now the world's foremost authority on Turkey leprosy, the disease that's threatening to ruin the holidays." "No one'll believe that." "Oh yeah? I wrote a Wikipedia page for Turkey leprosy, too, along with examples of all the historical figures it's killed, such as the Archduke of Crushistan." "There is no 'Crushistan.'" "I've written a Wikipedia entry for C

@RUDY_PARK: Hey @#$% losers, want sum more wisdom? Stop following me and GETALIFE! @RUDY_PARK: 45 new people are following you on twitter. Total followers: 45,000. @RUDY_PARK: Welcome new Twitter followers. Self-haters! You'd follow lemmings off a cliff into a bowl of warm vomit! I feel so alive. Don't peak too soon. You haven't talked about their dead relatives.

I just edited your Wikipedia entry. And I don't give a wiki. Tap tap tap tap tap. You have now single-handedly proven that Mars had oceans 4.3 billion years ago … because the Mars Rover stumbled across a fossilized photo of you sunning yourself on a primordial Martian beach. Photos can't be fossilized, you ignoramus. They can once I'm done editing the Wikipedia entry for "photos."

No, you tell him 200 Twitter followers isn't much for a king!

"I've given up on the novel. There's more money in writing inspirational memes."

"So, the self-anointed brandishing millions of followers. How is social media NOT a cult again?"

"Buy my data $20"

No, you idiots, they don't include a "comments" section.

"My granddaughter's first words to me were 'OK, Boomer.' I have no idea what that even means."

"There's no such thing as 'bad publicity'." "All traffic is good traffic."

Lynching on social media

"Technology isn't making me smarter. It's allowing me to be dumb, faster."