Online Aspirant Gifts

"At the moment I just follow, but someday I hope to be followed."

What else is there to wish for?

"I used to want to be an astronaut, but now I think I'd rather be a billionaire space tourist."

'OK, the worn out carpeting proves I snack too much. Only one thing to do. Tomorrow I get prices on hardwood floors.'

'I can't see my nuts anymore.'

'Most of all, I'd like to thank god. . .'

'In my opinion, hold out for a doctor.'

'My fortune says 'you can't be too thin, or too rich, or have too much computer memory'.'

'Frank said if he ever won a lot of money from online gambling, he wouldn't change, He lied,'

"I don't know which makes me happier: switching to natural gas to save money or watching the fight about fracking in order to get that gas."

Gracie goes over to the college recruitment tent at a carnival.

'Buy this house sir, and you could be a star in a DIY make-over programme!'

"Not only is the grass greener, but check out that Mercedes!"

"That's the shoestring I started with. It was tied around 100 million dollars worth of stocks and bonds."

'May I have my allowance in gold bullion?'

'I'm hoping that this will take off and I will earn enough to pay my way through medical school some day.'

"Let's face it Simkins, the only way you'll ever get to medical school is by donating your body to science."

Finally. A home exercise system that really is a clothes rack!

'I don't want to be president when I grow up - but I'd like to have enough money to run.'

'Your mum and I are thinking about giving your power of attorney...' - 'Yes! Yes! Yes! I'm rich! Rich!' - '...and now, strangely, I'm having second thoughts.'

'Sure, who wouldn't want to be a secretary. Secretary of State.'

'Yes, well we all like money'

'I don't usually deal with headhunters on jobs that pay $21,500.'

'I want to work for the IRS and scare people.'

'He's at the pinnacle, but not at the pinnacle of his PROFESSION.'

"My social media posts never seem to go viral. It's more like bacterial."

'What shall I do with these old books of yours? '

"I promise that this will be the last time that Daddy will ask you to help him post his resume online."

On 'Friends Reunited' everyone can claim to be a front page maodel for GQ Magazine.

'If you want to prepare for you retirement, why don't you buy a bank like I did?'

The Gentle Art of Not Running.

'Sure, I'm a millionaire on paper. Unfortunately, the paper isn't issued by the United States Mint.'

Unpublished Authors of the Big Bangs Theory

'It's not the peasants, majesty! They're college grads seeking career work.'

'Do you have any idea how big I am online?'