Oldest Child Pillows

"Howard is my firstborn, and my masterpiece."

"And this is my oldest son I was telling you about. The one that eats like a horse."

"I can't protect you from everything, but I can read you stories that make you believe I can protect you from everything."

Seniors Snooker Tournament.

"I've just been offered a job sorting out the Y1K bug.."

Face painting.

'How do you like my two-tone car?'

'No hair or teeth, can't walk or talk -- he's kind of a starter kit.'

"Have you heard? There's talk about raising the retirement age to 170?"

'It seems to work, I couldn't afford a blackberry!'

"May we live in interesting times. And may we outlive them."

The day the cat realized it was dependent.

"My mom says I can start a rock band if I call it 'I Love My Mommy.' You in?"

"Yeah, you could say I've got mother issues....she told me I have to move out!"

"Your brow is definitely more furrowed than it used to be!"

'Are we broke yet?'

PREPARING A POMEGRANATE FOR DUMMIES

Peter

'Come on Jill, they say the water's well good.'

'Oh, nothing, just babysitting the Lord of the Rings.'

"It's hard being a grownup, too – did you know we have absolutely zero limits on treats?"

Saguaro Cactus Regrets.

"Tell us the one about swift justice, Grandpa."

"Your mother and I think it's time you got a place of your own. We'd like a little time alone before we die."

The older I get, the more introspective I get, or is that retrospective?'

'Thank goodness for clumsy children: A spilt ice-cream!'

Bob began seeing his mother, who gave him up for adoption, professionally, three times a week. It didn't help much.

Patey's in a band! He's so cool!

"No, I want to know the meaning of never calling your mother."

"If I had known how adult her place was I would have brought nicer beer."

"You used to be a lot more fun."

"I've outlived my conventional and alternative doctors."

Having installed a hydraulically operated wall in their 25-year-old's bedroom...

Maybe you should leave the evolving to the younger fish.

"This tire raced in the Indy 500."