Old West Pillows

'You'd think that a brand new covered wagon would come with a full-size spare!'

'You may be a jolly happy soul Frosty, but you stink at poker!'

"And my spittoon will go right about there."

Cacti that hold up their 'arms' when a gun is pointed at them.

The corona ranger

Wild Irv Moskowitz, the meanest deli-man in the West.

"They're putting up some nice garden apartments out near the lake, so maybe this town is big enough for both of us."

'This town ain't big enough for the both of us.'

Last Cowboy Song

Custer objects to passive smoking, and immediately launches the west into another great Indian war.

TV Guide: Cowboy Cowboys.

"I can't right now. My spurs are stuck together."

Custer's Last Rollo

'Yo, looks like the old deadwood stage is finally over the hill.'

"Them's cat-fightin' words, Arlin!"

"He was the one everyone called 'The Greatest.' Then one day, a stranger turned up in town."

The Cowboy Way; Doing the Right Thing

"Can't we ride off in another direction?"

"I broncobust and I Dust-Bust. You got a problem with that?"

"Reach for the sky, stranger."

"Kid!! We know you're in there!!! Either come out or commence to fightin'!!!!"

'I don't know who you are stranger, but if you mess with big Gus you'll be in your coffin by dawn!'

"I told you, I can’t scratch your belly right now."

"Oh, I almost forgot: This time, if you have a good hand, don’t say, 'Meowee!'"

"I'm just gonna reach in my back pocket real slow-like and turn off my ringer."

Wild West Text Showdown

"This town ain't big enough for the both of us and, even if it was, I doubt either of us could afford to buy a place here given the current sellers' market."

The modern sheriff.

"They say it's the last of the really big cattle drives, and I'm just glad I'm here to see it."

"Trepanning for gold"

'We've been trying to ease out Old Stoney as Payroll Coordinator.'

"There's trouble, boys. Let's pants up and move out!"

'Yesterday he was a kingpin, but today he's just a lynchpin.'

Reality Wagon Train

"Lost his first hat about nine months ago. Really tore him up too."