Old West Aficionados Pillows

"And don't ever try to use your smartphone during trivia night again!"

"His coffee's always crap for about a week after the MacArthur genius-grant winners are announced."

'It's what we were afraid of, Virgil. Someone's selling guns to the Indians.'

"He was the one everyone called 'The Greatest.' Then one day, a stranger turned up in town."

High Riders of the Old West

The Cowboy Way; Doing the Right Thing

"Can't we ride off in another direction?"

"You were the one who thought it was too dangerous to raise a child in the big city."

"Reach for the sky, stranger."

'Butch, did you shoot my liberty valance?'

'I don't know who you are stranger, but if you mess with big Gus you'll be in your coffin by dawn!'

"I'm just gonna reach in my back pocket real slow-like and turn off my ringer."

L'il Buckaroo on Board.

"I'm not a total vegetarian, sometimes I like a bit of buffalo."

How Do You Like My Moseying Along?

Build a home where the buffalo roam? Bah!

Sea Horse outside saloon

'It's okay, they're with me.'

'You may be a jolly happy soul Frosty, but you stink at poker!'

"Today we can help herd cattle, go on a nature hike, get a sauna and massage, or go into town and rob the bank."

"Trepanning for gold"

"They say it's the last of the really big cattle drives, and I'm just glad I'm here to see it."

The modern sheriff.

"Frank, how many times do I have to tell you, it's a posse, not a search engine."

"Can't fool me, Jake, there's a coach comin' in!"

'We've been trying to ease out Old Stoney as Payroll Coordinator.'

The Gweat Twain Wobbery.

"Quit saying 'President Trump'. You're spookin' the horses."

"Lost his first hat about nine months ago. Really tore him up too."

"There's trouble, boys. Let's pants up and move out!"

Reality Wagon Train

'Yesterday he was a kingpin, but today he's just a lynchpin.'