Old-school Saver Pillows

"I take it you've never had a bank account before?"

Gen-Next Library

"Remember back in the day when I was a real heartbreaker?" "Riiight... now the only thing you break is wind."

"You never told me your dad was so delightfully old-fashioned."

"Here's to non-electric sharpeners."

'This is a wind-up, isn't it?'

His temperature appears to rise and fall with the FT index

"First they came for the horoscope and the crossword and I did nothing. Then they came for the cartoonists and there was no-one left to satirise it."

'There's no delete key. You have to use the board eraser.'

'I don't like reading on screen, so I'm printing the internet to look at it later.'

"I put my faith in coal. Because there’s no fuel like an old fuel."

'Do you know what I miss? - Chalk talks!'

"'CPD'...stuff and nonsense, the old ways are fine for me, now pass me a hammer. I need to put this patient out!"

Peace on Earth

"I'd like to make a return."

'My battery is dead. How does it end?'

"Books are tricky. You can't text with a text book and you can't call with a phone book!"

How can you read that comic strip Blondie? Its about a kinder, simpler time. It's about ancient history. They do the same material over and over. Exactly. I can count on it. Not like your stupid Pearls and Get fuzzy. Oooh, look how angry and edgy they are. They're sooo clever! Your whole gig is being angry and edgy. Look, I'm setting Candorville on fire.

'You realize, of course, there's nothing wrong with me. . . I'm only here 'cause of your 50%-off-first-visit coupon and I am not a serial bargain shopaholic.'

"Hi, Honey, I went to that new wholesale store...and, boy, did I get a deal on toilet paper!"

'Oh darling, it is not an ibook, it is only a book.'

"He refuses to watch the NEWs - living as he does, in the past."

Piggy Bank has Bitcoin in mouth

"Eugene is retro. He thinks everything was better in low-def and black and white."

'Beat it! I've got a computer!'

"Get a computer?! Do I look as though I have room in here for a computer?"

'Lost your kindle in the cab? Try my outdated destined-for-extinction, low-priced print edition.'

'It was great! I learned how to use dial phones, drive a standard transmission and cook without a microwave...'

"Actually, I'm sitting here reading a book—just to see if I can still do it."

"Do we look like investors in high-tech funds to you?"

Plimbco Bank & Trust, old money division.

"Come on. I always browse the Mom and Pop stores before buying online."

"It's your Grandpa's version of keeping up with technology...reading the papers online."

'Why don't you put your money in the Bank, instead of stuffing it under the mattress?'

'This doesn't leave much room for creativity.'