Old Movie Lover Gifts

'Dat was jus' a warnin', Detective Jones. Get off da Bozo case!'

The Lone Ranger receives a disconcerting smoke signal from Tonto....

'Psst! It's the invisible man. Try not to state at his new hair piece.'

Film Noir

Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

"This is the perfect way to watch movies if you love mosquitoes and having a cold, wet butt."

'I couldn't do my term paper because they've never made a movie about Rutherford B. Hayes.'

King Kong uses fly spray against the pesky planes on top of the Empire State Building

"Housekeeping?!"

"If you wish to manifest here, you'll have to change. We don't allow anything past 1950."

"Gone with the wind with cats" "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn." "Me neither, who cares—let's take a nap."

'This is the worst film noir I've ever seen.'

This is the new Director's Cut version of Hansel and Gretel...with additional scenes and three alternative endings!!!

All-Verbal Westerns

"Citizen Kane first draft... Citizen Kane By Orson Welles & Herman J. Mankiewicz Int. Kane's bedroom Kane's old voice Call a freaking ambulance! Rosebud..."

'Oh, nothing, just babysitting the Lord of the Rings.'

Two men in love, sitting in vintage champaign glasses

Old Wine in an Old Bottle

Queen Kong

'Personally, I love your script, but Rex is pretty certain he smells a bomb!'

"I'd leave Redford for George Clooney in a hartbeat."

'I want a brain, but I'd settle for buns of steel!'

Reluctantly, Indiana Jones reaches for the true cup of Christ.

'Hollywood expressed an interest in doing a movie on Iraq, with Anthony Hopkins as Saddam.'

Lumiere brothers caricature

'...tonights main feature is silent and in black and white.'

"I'm just gonna reach in my back pocket real slow-like and turn off my ringer."