Offshore Accountant Pillows

'Podhurtz here. Offshore investment capital, inc.'

I've always wanted to quit while I was ahead but the opportunity never presented itself.

'What bothers me about these meetings is even though it's work, I have the nagging feeling I ought to leave and get back to work.'

"You've got your corner office, so what more do you want?"

No, I didn't know they were going to cut the office furniture budget in half.

"Another week another dollar, Jenkins"

'What I don't understand is how all three of us managed to get the figures wrong!'

Whats ticking away in YOUR filing system?

A paperwork machine spews endless paperwork

Phrenology bust with sections for different currencies.

"Yes Sir, I'm still working on the 'ins and outs' of their proposal."

'It's only a hunch, but I think everybody bought everything they needed, last time.'

British savings accounts

'The check is in the email attachment.'

'I'll be late for dinner, dear. I'm up to my neck in paperwork.'

"Welcome to the bank - you'll start at the bottom."

"Give a sh*t" "Don't give a sh*t"

'What do you want first - The bad news or the even badder news?'

In basket-case.

'Our product flooded the market... Before backing up a deluge of consumer complaints!'

IN box...OUT is wastepaper basket on fire.

Profit

'Whoever said 'The only thing we have to fear is fear itself' never had a room full of angry shareholders.'

'Please remember that these figures could be off as much as two dollars.'

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

Businessmen trying to prop up a line-chart with sticks

'Quick! We need a bigger chart in here!'

"Third quarter numbers were good after we cut our global workforce three to two."

Today we'll see some misused or misunderstood financial and economic terms. It's said inflation can hurt the economy. But it's absolutely in the tire business. I bought this warm puffy jacket with cash. A down payment. We like beer and coffee. Our most valuable liquid assets. In a monopoly breakup, the race car would to go one person and the dog to another. And when I become either a buyer or a seller. He's shorting the market!

'OK, team, let's review: when the arrow goes down, it means...?

'Ok, I'm in a paperwork mood. Let 'er rip.'

"Worst case of month-end burnout I ever saw."

"So, we look to the fourth quarter as a time of healing."

Spot the difference.

'Do you remember when our time away from the office was our time...'