Office Small Talk Comedian Gifts

"It looked like a really powerful presentation when I did it at 3 o'clock this morning!"

"You're invited to our management excursion. Come dresses as a pinata."

"Looks like we found the issue."

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

"Is this to make me feel bad for not getting you that laptop?"

Pounding speeds up the computer.

'And were there a point to your proposal, Henderson - What would it be?'

'Surely you wouldn't want me to laugh at your joke if I didn't think it was funny!'

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

"You've got to fill in these forms to join the 'How to reduce bureaucracy' seminar."

"This position has become very important to the company."

'We've set the bar quite high at this company. It helps us control bonuses.'

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

'It's a chart of office morale. This is where you went on vacation.'

'The check is in the email attachment.'

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

'Finally! A meeting with one of the bigwigs.'

'That's our mission statement.'

IN box...OUT is wastepaper basket on fire.

"Another job well done by your conflict resolution specialist."

'I should not that the cherry and whipped cream were an afterthought created by our graphics dept.'

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

"Boy, am I glad they finally hired more staff!"

'I'm glad you guys could work this out in a reasonable manner.'

"How's everybody doing? I'm not boring you, am I?"

'Ok, I'm in a paperwork mood. Let 'er rip.'

"'Quid pro quo' is a no-no, Bradbury. Around here we say 'reciprocal altruism'."

'You'll like this, gang ? it's an 'eyes-only' list of 'shady-but-tolerated' loopholes allowed by the Securities and Exchange Commission.'

Desk trays - 'in', 'out', and 'one of these days'.

'We've financed three more startups for no fathomable reason.'

"They decided giving out pink slips was too impersonal. So now they're blue."

'The efficiency expert's recommendation is we drink more coffee!'

"And isn't it time we replaced the worn-out, meaningless cliches in our mission statement with some dazzlingly new meaningless cliches?"

'The lads at the office still talk about the day you told the boss what to do with his job...'