Office Pools Gifts

'This may be an old computer, but it won the March Madness office pool again and wants the money deposited in its Swiss bank account.'

"Another week another dollar, Jenkins"

No, I didn't know they were going to cut the office furniture budget in half.

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

"Yes Sir, I'm still working on the 'ins and outs' of their proposal."

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

Man to realtor: 'How much for a starter cubicle?'

On holiday.

Seniors Snooker Tournament.

"Hey, I'm thirsty. I need a drink. A drink and a liverwurst sandwich. Hey, how about a sandwich and a beer down at Gallagher's, then we can go shoot some pool? Or maybe take in a movie. Hey, I'm talking to you."

A small snooker player chalking his cue.

"I know I'm a little early, but sometimes I need a break from that dreadfully cold weather."

In many ways this is the perfect job! Out. Out.

'Office Woofers. For the quiet and obnoxious boss.'

The end of summer is near and you still haven't made plans

'I've tried all night without potting a ball.' - 'Try taking away the wooden frame.'

"To make this interview more entertaining I would like you to take a breath of helium before answering the questions."

Lumbar support animal

Presentation: Thinking each other are idiots.

"Well, all the symptoms of just another typical case of burnout, I'm afraid."

'How did the 'I want you all to take a pay cut or leave' strategy go down?'

'I can't give you a raise, a promotion or a bigger office, but I AM going to allow you to have a personality.'

'Would you all please congatulate...'

The vice-president in charge of sincerity

"What's the problem? We told you when you started you'd have to make some sacrifices."

'Yes, we do have an incentive scheme.We call it 'continued employment'.'

'I recognize the face ... I just can't pin down the name.'

'I like you, you've got balls.'

'I didn't come in to hear that I'm burning the candle at both ends. I came for more wax.'

Stop saying 'You're the boss' I KNOW I'm the boss!

'I think he's doing ok, the coach says he has the attention span of a goldfish.'

''A desk job.' That's what they called it at the interview.' 'Same here.' 'SHH!'

If you really need permanent staff for IMMEDIATE cover then we could pull out all the stops and get someone by next October.

'Tell your boss we represent an independent watchdog committee.'

"He treated associates like he treated his plants."