Office Politics Jester Pillows

'It's not a good time to ask for a raise. Money's tight. In fact, you may not have noticed, but they've cut staff.'

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

'Surely you wouldn't want me to laugh at your joke if I didn't think it was funny!'

"This position has become very important to the company."

"This is a merit-based organization! Can't you see I’ve hired the very best and most qualified yes-men money can buy?"

"Can I savor this for a few moments? The ball's never been in my court before!"

Brian wanted to call the presentation "Synergy". Paula wanted to call it "Cooperation". They could never agree.

"Well, ordinary men have colleagues. Successful men have victims."

"Yeah, but that one's a little bit hard to reach."

"I was just going to say, 'Well, I don't make the rules.' But, of course, I do make the rules."

"I don't want a G.O.A.T, I want a S.C.A.P.E.G.O.A.T."

"So we are agreed then, most of the targets we've set staff are completely unreasonable and we should just scrap them."

'I'm glad you guys could work this out in a reasonable manner.'

"I'm expert at sniffing out blame."

A fight in the Boardroom.

"'Quid pro quo' is a no-no, Bradbury. Around here we say 'reciprocal altruism'."

Businessman on stilts: 'I had to step over a lot of people to get where I am today.'

'Don't think of it as being a yes man, think of it as being an employed man.'

'The lads at the office still talk about the day you told the boss what to do with his job...'

"I believe we've found the weakest link."

"I don't care if you are the Immediate Gratification Generation. Get out of my chair and back to the mailroom."

'I like the way you handle responsibility, McWit, so I'm going to blame some stuff on you.'

"If we can just get beyond this 'I'm the boss' mentality and concentrate on a simple 'What I say goes' outlook, I think this will all work out."

"I need to see your budget proposal."

"I can motivate everyone except myself."

"We can waste time and look for a solution or...just find a scapegoat?"

Employee won't think about work outside of box

"I hate performance review season."

"Mr Frimley will see you now."

"If I made as much as him, I could retire in a couple of days"

"Who gave you permission to ask for a raise?"

"They've hiked up our targets again...I'm going to have to put in some overtime to have any chance of meeting them!"