Office Politics Humorist Gifts

"I'm sorry, but Mr. Barclay is not putting up with people like you anymore."

'Stay away from Birkmayer. He's developed a dumbing down spray.'

'I see your fax and raise it with another fax.'

"You're invited to our management excursion. Come dresses as a pinata."

"Looks like we found the issue."

"Is this to make me feel bad for not getting you that laptop?"

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

"You've got to fill in these forms to join the 'How to reduce bureaucracy' seminar."

"This position has become very important to the company."

"She's fine. She just needs some tofu."

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

The Signing of tthe United States Constitution

'It's a chart of office morale. This is where you went on vacation.'

'The check is in the email attachment.'

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

'Finally! A meeting with one of the bigwigs.'

'That's our mission statement.'

"Another job well done by your conflict resolution specialist."

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

IN box...OUT is wastepaper basket on fire.

'I have a plan 'B' but that's also dependent on a working projector bulb.'

They're Not Just That Into It

''...And defend the Constitution of the United States.' -- And now, I'd like to pardon the following Illinois politicians....'

UK/US Free Trade Deal

'Ok, I'm in a paperwork mood. Let 'er rip.'

"'Quid pro quo' is a no-no, Bradbury. Around here we say 'reciprocal altruism'."

'We've financed three more startups for no fathomable reason.'

'You'll like this, gang ? it's an 'eyes-only' list of 'shady-but-tolerated' loopholes allowed by the Securities and Exchange Commission.'

"They decided giving out pink slips was too impersonal. So now they're blue."

"And isn't it time we replaced the worn-out, meaningless cliches in our mission statement with some dazzlingly new meaningless cliches?"

'The efficiency expert's recommendation is we drink more coffee!'

'I vote we hang the darn thing upside down and go home!'

"I believe we've found the weakest link."

'Take two tablets the moment you begin to feel indispensable.'

Boss's Desk Says No!